American Tart

Tara Reid has officially reached rock bottom. I know, I know, like so many people, I was convinced that the hard partying, the Carson Daly engagement, the sickening pelvis, the dead-end career, and the mascara tracks looked an awful lot like rock bottom, but apparently Ms. Reid one-upped herself -- two-upped herself, technically -- by getting gigantic new breast implants. Because nothing says "Look at me, please, I'm DESPERATE to be treated like a real young star" like heavy-looking implants that the photos, and her fugtastic outfit, depict as drooping, sagging silicone dumplings.

Props -- and at the same time, bitch-slaps, because this chick doesn't need to be encouraged -- to the Scrubs people for trying to make her feel culturally relevant, but even that show couldn't disguise her patent lack of talent, humor, and sex appeal. And then she goes and steps out in public looking like the guest of honor at a roller-disco rave gone wrong.

Can someone please put a mirror in front of this girl's face and show her that she is the senior-class president of Fug Valley High?