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August 26, 2004

Back to the Fug: Famous Fugs in History

Ah, August. When celebrity events are few and far between and Hollywood's fugliest have retreated to their barracks to rejuvenate with refreshing chemical peels and microdermabrasion, and the chroniclers of Fug find themselves Fug-free, and at loose ends.

Friends, it is then that we look to the past. Shakespeare -- a man who really knew how to wear a pair of pantaloons -- said, "What is past is prologue," and, as usual, he was right. What goes around once usually comes around again, and, man, have we seen some fug in our time. And what better way to fight the fug than to acknowledge its place in our shared history?

And thus we begin with one of the defining moments in the history of fug, Demi Moore's Fug Heard 'Round the World:

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Cue Bruce Willis's inner monologue:

"Dear God, what is Demi wearing? Did she forget the front of her dress? Or is it... a train? Or... something? I'm so confused. Should I say something to her? But what would I say? 'Honey, you didn't attach the front part of your dress'? But maybe she's wearing this on purpose. But how is that even possible? Everyone can see her whatcamacallits -- her control top body slimmer short thingies. But how could she have forgotten something as basic as her skirt? All the rest of her is totally done up. The short thingies totally don't match the rest of her get-up. It's got to be a mistake. Should I have said something before we left the house? I should have. She's going to kill me for this. But no, it must be on purpose. She would feel the draft otherwise. But how could this be on purpose? She's wearing bicycle shorts. I don't understand. I'm just going to stand here in my tuxedo and look uncomfortable. Man, I don't know if I can take this anymore. Maybe we should get a divorce."

Posted by Jessica at 12:00 PM in Classic Fug | Permalink

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