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August 30, 2004

VMA Fug Carpet: Beyonce

It takes a very specific person to pull off hot pants. Beyonce is not that person.

Skin is not nature's trousers, lady. Cover up with something more than Jergens. [Or is it her stylist-mother Tina Knowles who has lost her mind?] I love Beyonce for not being a twig, and for having booty and thighs, but this outfit makes no sense. There are ways to sex up one's curves, and there are ways to make oneself look elephantine. Gold lame hot pants, on Beyonce, produce the latter effect. And the one-two punch of the big hair and huge collar is preparing to swallow her whole.

I don't quite understand the blonding up of Hollywood. Jennifer Lopez has gotten steadily more honey-hued, Carmen Electra showed up last night with blond locks, and Beyonce has gotten lighter and lighter, culminating in this totally overdone shade that just makes her look like some sort of tragic wig accident.

So listen up, Beyonc -- can I call you Beyonc? -- because I want to help you, and you obviously aren't getting any advice at home: Tresses dyed to match your outfit only worked when Gwen Stefani did it, and, let's face it, she didn't completely pull it off either. So you need to throw out the Feria and go get your hair tinted appropriately, and then start wearing clothes that don't look like a Victoria's Secret boudoir ensemble.

Posted by Heather at 01:45 PM in Beyonce, VMAs | Permalink


and the best bit? She is aware the jacket is liable to ride up and expose her midriff and is *holding it down with a clenched fist*. Lady, a high-riding jacket is the least problem with this ensemble.

Posted by: Darla | Mar 10, 2005 4:15:32 AM


Posted by: Miss_Coco | Mar 10, 2005 7:07:56 PM

Fine, it's a dumb outfit. But does she really look elephantine? If so, I will find myself obliged to hide out in a dark cave, eating peanut butter (because it's my only friend) and growing to TRULY elephantine proportions. I say, as long as a gal doesn't have offensively ripply celulite/lack of a tan, and as long I'm not in danger of seeing her vagina or butt cheeks, hot pants are A-okay.

Posted by: Fran | Mar 16, 2005 12:01:47 PM

Hip, and I do mean HIP HIPPO RAY...

Posted by: OneRedCent | Mar 30, 2005 4:23:05 PM

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