September 30, 2004
The Fugly In Red
To the inventor of what is apparently industrial-strength boob tape:
Lil' Kim has taught the world a lot of important lessons. For example, as long as there is a swatch of fabric somewhere on your person, then technically you are considered clothed and fit for public consumption. Or, as demonstrated above, that as long as something encircles part of your arm and is somehow connected to the rest of the outfit, then that thing can be considered a sleeve. My life will not be the same.
But I owe you a debt of gratitude, because without your marvelous double-sided invention, the world could not safely learn these lessons. We wouldn't be able to study at her School of Skank, because we'd be forced to behold Lil' Kims nipples while she's teaching, and that is considered the leading potential cause of blindness and/or insanity. So thank you, kind sir or madam. You are the real hero. You are the reason she can wear her wrist on a red fabric leash without also letting the dogs out; your tape is the Breast Police, and it is blessedly unafraid of making arrests.
God bless you and keep you.
I'm 35. I've had a couple babies, and whether or not you really need to know this, I breasfed both of them.
My breasts have more upward mobility than these.
It calls to mind (and yes, I know, not PC, but fug it), those pics of aborigines in National Geographic.
Only hers are flatter.
Ick. Before the double-stick, use duct tape to hoist those babies up a bit, will ya?
Posted by: Viki | Feb 3, 2005 7:05:47 PM
Does Our Kim still have nipples? Real ones?
Posted by: Anna | Feb 15, 2005 3:56:54 PM
Thank Gawd I'm in the room alone!!! I cannot stop laughing and you guys are twice as funny when I read your comments out loud!!!! Thank you!!!
Posted by: wordygrrl | Feb 28, 2005 2:21:19 PM
Am I the only one that noticed there is something seriously wrong with her stomach?
Posted by: Gina | Mar 30, 2005 6:06:28 PM
no. no, you're not.
Posted by: Leah | Apr 8, 2005 3:13:02 PM
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