"Hi, y'all! Come on, give it up for me! Yeah! I'm battling through a frightening attack of acid reflux disease -- you might have heard about it, because it forced me to use a vocal aid during my Saturday Night Live performance. That pesky acid reflux is a throat-killer! I was hoarse, y'all! This is dangerous stuff!
"But I strapped on my wrestling boots and my tutu and I'm fighting it, y'all, and tonight I'm standing here proudly in my black bra and green belt that matches none of what I have on with it, and I'm going to sing WITHOUT help! That's right, you heard me even through my decimated acid-reflux voice, which sounds exactly like my regular voice but with more of a complaining tone. NO HELP! Nada! And you are going to like it!
"Sure, it might sound like wailing, and sure, you might want to plug your ears, and yeah, they might start to bleed. And fine, okay, my Dad is a scary and controlling jackhole. But you have to be as brave as I am, yo! We can't let terrorists like acid reflux and my father win, y'all -- and I am going to lead the charge. In the immortal words of Enrique Iglesias, 'Let me be your hero!'"