November 30, 2004
Clap If You Believe In Fug!
LeeLee looks like she stole Peter Pan's formal wear:
The Letter of Fug
Hi, y'all! I'm Britney Spears!
Y'all, Kevin and I went to the pet story to get Laci a little jacket because it's so cold out and I heard that this pet store in Malibu sold little "Rock Out With Your Cock Out" hats for dogs and I thought that might be cute too, you know, because that would match my fine hubby's hat and it's so cute when doggies match their daddies but when we got there there was just so much to choose from I just couldn't decide! I was so confused that all my hair just stood right up on top of my head, y'all!
What was I talking about again? Oh right. Y'all keep talking about how I look crummy when I leave the house but that is totally unfair y'all. Y'all, I am in love. I am married now! I am a married lady! This is how I look, for reals, y'all. I don't have to brush my hair for Kevin. I don't even have to take a shower for Kevin! He told me that I have to do is keep signing the checks...of LOVE. Y'all it is such a relief to not have to shower or brush my hair or wear make-up or make any kind of effort of any kind at all anymore. I am just so comfortable with Kevin and the baby we are making together, currently located in my uterus, which is also unwashed. Oops, did I say that? I guess I did it again. I just can't keep it secret! I can't wait to shop for clothing for little Kevney or Britven, y'all. Y'all, I would actually really like to have twins like Julia Roberts and name them Kevney Cheetos Federline and Britven Red Bull Federline and then Kevney Cheetos and Britven Red Bull and Kevvie and me and maybe my mom Lynne and maybe also my sister Jamie Lynn even though she hasn't called me back in like three weeks can all just live together here in my big house in Malibu with our dogs and also maybe with some of those kids Kevin has with that other lady and we can just sit around and watch movies and I can make a roast and my mother will wash our cars for us because she likes to do that and then I will never have to brush my hair again and no one will care because I will be a married lady with babies and that means I am a GROWN-UP and no one will make me dance with a snake ever ever again.
Except maybe for Justin. I might dance with a snake maybe if Justin asked but DON'T TELL ANYONE I SAID THAT.
November 29, 2004
I think Gwen Stefani has maybe lost her mind a little bit:
She doesn't look like she's cleverly interpreting Japanese baby-doll fashion, which I believe was her intent. Yes, she's performing on-stage, but... where are the three rings? Where's the Big Top? Where's the ringmaster? She looks like she belongs on a tightrope, or standing on the back of a white horse with a feather sticking out of the crown atop her head -- or pinned to a target while a man in tights and a handlebar mustache hurls knives at her giggling body.
What is it, Gwen? Why the weird? Is it the stress of your solo album? The heady drunk power of having your own fashion line? The strange, all-consuming curiosity about your real-life quasi-"Billie Jean" scenario, and whether your husband knew that the kid was his daughter, and just didn't tell you?
Whatever it is, we hope you pull through it. Go get a massage or something. Get a facial. Then return to your closet and put a little sanity back into the clothes. This Minnie Mouse-meets-"Alice In Wonderland"-meets-Hooker Circus thing isn't really working.
Oh, Dan Ackroyd. I love you forever for Ghostbusters alone. That scene where you slide down the pole in the firehouse? Adorable. But this outfit requires vaporization. We might might even have to cross the streams:
[Photo by Dave Allocca/Startraks]
What are you doing? The frighteningly tight black jeans -- do they even make black jeans anymore? -- with the vest? A vest? Really? With the tie? And the shiny shiny leather jacket? And the baseball hat? And the sunglasses? At night? So you can see better? Or is it because your future is so bright, etc, etc? This saddens me.
I really think that the rest of the suit that your vest came with might have been a better call. Or jeans that fit. Or, you know, your Ghostbusters jumpsuit. Whichever.
November 23, 2004
Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the former Mrs Macauley Culkin, Rachel Miner:
Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb
GFY: Ms Miner, who are you wearing?
RM: My entire ensemble is courtesy of the Whore Store. Isn't it swell?
GFY: It's...short. And the shoes are...tall. Yes. Can we talk about your eyebrows?
RM: They were inspired by that season of 90210 when Kelly was in the cult and also had no eyebrows at all. Remember when no one had any brows? I long for a return to that aesthetic. Don't you love how it makes me look all pinchy and weird?
GFY: Well...um, sure. Yes. Very pinchy. Very...interesting. Well....done.
RM: I am really cold, though. Can I wear your coat?
Oh, Steve Urkel. What would Stephan UrKel say?
Photo courtesy of You Can't Make It Up.
Darling, pants that tight are bad for your boy parts. And let us not even speak of the well-pressed jeans tucked into the boots. No! No, hush! I said not to speak of it. It's simply too horrible to contemplate.
It is a point of controversy whether this is, in fact, Jaleel White. Controversy aside, I choose to believe that it is. And that he can't sit down in those pants.
November 19, 2004
Wonderfug, Your Newest Superhero
It's too bad she didn't have this dress at Halloween, because Courtney Peldon could have gone as a broken bottle of Pepto Bismol:
Hey, Courtney, nice move with the massive cutout in your dress -- that bra endorsement deal will come through in no time. Unless it's not deliberate, and in fact the fashion police really did show up on the red carpet and attempt a violent arrest. But, no, sadly, this getup smacks of carefully wanton exhibitionism, so we're going to have to wait another day for Officer HolyGodWeDon'tWantToSeeUpYourWomanPocket to whip out his truncheon and sic the attack dogs.
What could be better than a Peldon fug?
A Peldon-Ling extravaganza:
[Both photos courtesy of Daily Celeb.]
Courtney's hole has gone from being a careful side-skimming affair to being an escape hatch for her right breast. She is probably so excited and aroused by the fugocity of Bai Ling's hot pants, yellow heels, and electric blue legwarmers that she can't keep the ladies in check. Her breasts are clearly lesbians.... Or fugbians.
Daryl Hannah, Fugbacker: A Clarification
The Fug Girls would like to apologize to those who felt we were picking on Daryl Hannah.
We weren't picking on her for being old; we were picking on her for having a neck that celebrates Arbor Day, and yet ceasing to tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree, if you get the drift. It's an important clarification and we needed to make it.
To thine own form be true, Daryl. We don't think YOU are fugly; if your neck is disappearing, or if we just never noticed its condition before because you were accessorizing it better, thenjust wear your hair down or pick out a dress that comes with a jaunty wrap. Concealing is healing... or something.
November 18, 2004
When did Daryl Hannah get a neck like a football player?
[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.
I always think of her as a willowy sort, but here, it looks like she's been working out with the Raiders or something. For confirmation I checked other camera angles, and they indicated the same thing: that she's got a tree-trunk on her shoulders.
Odd. Whither the mermaid, Daryl? Whither?!?
The sad thing is, she looks so happy about it.
Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.
Helen Slater, what happened to you? Nothing on this outfit even comes close to matching! The blouse matches the blazer well enough, but the skirt....doesn't. Worse still, none of it appears to fit. And the weird-length of that skirt, paired with white socks [!] and...black oxfords? Are you the Ugly Elaine Benes of 1994? This shoe/skirt paring makes it look like you have no legs at all! The cut of the skirt...and the shirt...and, my God, the jacket...totally conceal your figure. Have you gotten fat? We don't know. Are you slender? No idea. Have you grown a third boob? Couldn't say.
Remember those toys they had when we were kids, where you could make "fashion drawings" by choosing a model's head, a waist to neck section, and then a waist to feet section, and you could turn it all into one outfit by plugging these sections into this little frame-thing and then you'd tranfer your creation to paper by rubbing a black crayon over it, and you'd color it in? Sometimes I would try to make THE UGLIEST OUTFIT POSSIBLE on this toy, and I think Helen Slater is actually wearing it.