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December 10, 2004

Billboard Awards: Letter of Fug Part II

Hi y'all!

It's Britney again! I know we just talked and all, but I totally wanted to show that, seriously, y'all, I can totally clean up good. See?

Photo courtesy Daily Celeb

Let's not even talk about how fine my hubby is. He is so,so fine. I have to tell you a secret, though: I totally miss his shorts, y'all. That patch of skin between where Kevvie's tube socks end and his frayed, cut-off manpris begin is so hot! I want to lick it! Yummy! But doesn't he look totally hot in that hat? It's kind of like this hat that Justin used to wear someti -- I mean, never mind. Never mind. I never said that, y'all. Anyway, I totally wanted Kevvie to wear these formal manpris I made for him last week by taking this pair of tuxedo pants that Justin left here once back when we where still together that I refused to give back to him and cutting off the bottom of them so they would be all frayed but my mother said no and I was like, blah blah blah Mom, I'm totally married now and if I want my husband to wear Justin's old tuxedo pants as cutoffs to an awards show I TOTALLY CAN but then she distracted me with this shiny Christmas tree ornament we got from Walmart last week and grabbed the tuxedopris from me and threw them in the fireplace which is TOTALLY NO FAIR, but whatever, he looks hot in the suit ANYWAY.

But let's talk about my outfit because it is so totally cute. When the salesgirl at the Dress Barn told me that I looked like a lampshade, I knew I had to have it. Also, when I was getting ready and Jamie Lynne was helping me and brushing my hair -- and she brushed it really, really hard, y'all, I almost cried -- and she told me I looked like a refugee from a Third World road tour of the Ice Capades, I knew it was the right choice for tonight because Jamie really loves ice skating. Then she said something about how at least my hair doesn't look like I brushed it with a Mix Master and I totally don't know what that means but I am pretty sure it was nice.

Seriously, though, don't Kevin and I look super happy together? They took this picture right after I told him that one of my Christmas presents to him was the joint checking account he was asking for, so he could write ME checks of love just like I write for him. Isn't that the sweetest? I can't wait until Justin Timberlake and that skinny, cracked out ho he's running around with see how happy I am! With my HUSBAND! HAHAHAH JUSTIN I WIN. Even though I still love you. I mean, I love NOT BEING WITH YOU.


Posted by Jessica at 11:34 AM in Britney Spears, Misc. Awards Shows | Permalink


That seriously is not flattering on her thighs and on her at all!.

Posted by: Ngakaari | Jan 31, 2005 9:05:52 PM

That guy is hideous!
There's something wrong with him.

Posted by: Silvia | Feb 4, 2005 10:27:06 AM

What is the deal with this whole "celebrity bringing small dog to premiere or party or other non-pet-featuring event" trend, anyway? Very strange.

Posted by: Eleanor | Feb 6, 2005 4:22:08 PM


Posted by: CAREN | Feb 15, 2005 6:32:06 AM

I feel so, so sorry for that dog right now.

Posted by: annaham | Feb 26, 2005 10:36:39 AM

Looks like she's holding a gun to his back and telling him there'll be no poon for him tonight if he doesn't smile pretty.

Posted by: Jennifer B. | Feb 28, 2005 5:20:24 PM

If only a photo of Britney could be taken everyday so the we could have more of this hilarity! Genius!

Posted by: ChrisB | Mar 3, 2005 8:49:43 AM

That is possibly the funniest damn thing I have ever seen, heard, or read. Especially the shiny ornament part. And the lampshade. Oh, dear lord, but my tummy hurts from this laughing...

Posted by: Linds | Mar 3, 2005 2:36:38 PM

as Annaham posted, I too, feel very, very sorry for that little dog. It's body posture looks like it's so frightened. Shame on B..whatshername.. for exposing that pup to that environment.
Oh yeah.. and that dress? Butt-ugly.

Posted by: Paju | Mar 4, 2005 12:45:07 AM

Mr. Federline needs to get a serious makeover, and he needs to find some clothes that are professionally tailored to fit his form. One would think with all that money in the bank that Britney and Federline would purchase attire that looks half way decent and not purchased at a thrift store.

Posted by: Katie | Mar 26, 2005 11:04:00 AM

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