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January 26, 2005

Papa Don't Fug

Oh, Kelly.

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[Photo courtesy of Lime-light.org.]

This is such a cry for help. Come here, baby. Come here. No, no, don't cry. I'm here for you. Talk to me, sweetie. What's wrong? Why are you acting like this? Why are you wearing a bowler hat that makes your head look like a pale little pumpkin in a bad wig? Why would you do that? No, no! Don't talk that way. Lots of people love you. Like who? Well, like your parents. Of course they do, Kelly! Kelly...Kelly...I can't talk to you when you're like this. Do you want help, or not? KELLY? Fine, that's just fine. If you want to act like a child, that's fine. If you want to run around dressed like a cut-rate Ally Sheedy impersonator -- OF COURSE THERE ARE ALLY SHEEDY IMPERSONATORS. They have impersonators for everything. Shut up, that's not the point. As I was SAYING, if you really wake up in the morning and decide that the only thing that will make you happy will be dressing like Demi Moore on a carb bender, that's your business. But when you decide it's time to act like an adult and get some help for your problems, you know where to find me.

Tell Jack that goes double for him.

Posted by Jessica at 05:41 PM | Permalink

Comments

I don't think I will ever be able to look at a Heineken bottle the same way. I would say "Fug you Kelly!" but I'm busy vomitting after looking at this. Ugh.

Posted by: Jonathan | Jan 31, 2005 6:48:52 PM

Your creativity is astounding. I loved this peice in particular, I am sure that you respect your stars. After all, they are your livelyhood.

Posted by: sean | Feb 1, 2005 12:58:12 AM

My 9 year old hit the nail on the head with her observation, "She looks like a leprachaun".

Posted by: amysue | Feb 1, 2005 4:52:10 AM

She reminds me of one of those old Broadway hoofers you see crawling out of Sardi's now and then. The dress is circa 1973 (the last time she did appeared on stage, but the dress still fits!) and the hat is left over from an old Fosse show. All she's missing is the cigarette, the enormous eye-liner and the marionette lines around the mouth. If you offer to buy her a cup of coffee she'll smoke in your face and regale you with tales of Gwen and Bob, and how in the hell can that ageless, timeless bitch Chita Rivera still get her leg over her head?!

Posted by: Peacebang | Feb 1, 2005 10:42:25 AM

Why does she look like a midget in that picture?

Posted by: Steve | Feb 1, 2005 4:56:26 PM

Elizabeth McGovern's dating Tom Arnold??

Posted by: Phinn | Feb 1, 2005 6:39:51 PM

The comments to this entry are closed.

 

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