February 02, 2005
Go Fugg Yourself
We've raged against the Regina Boot, and we're generally opposed to the reckless deployment of Ugg Boots; now, thanks to a generous and brave reader, Go Fug Yourself is pleased to share with you a boot horror that might have been, but mercifully never came to pass.
We present to you the Teva-Ugg hybrid:
Because we so desperately needed an athletic sandal for winter, this person mixed the clunky, chock-full-o-fur style you've come to revile in the Ugg boot, coupled with the rubbery sole and ugly foot straps from the world's most overrated outdoorsy shoe. [The entire concept of the "athletic sandal" is something we here at Go Fug Yourself find awesomely fugly, but that's a fug for a different day.]
We can imagine the designer sitting back with a satisfied sigh, wiping a way a tear of pride as he/she cooed, "Finally, my Ugg boots can go camping." Yes, finally, furry boots are sporty! Finally, Paris Hilton can go canoeing without sacrificing her sense of style! Finally, Cameron Diaz can head to the beach for some surfing and feel justified doing it in winter footwear! And if a Teva miniskirt would hurry up hit the market, then finally we could all hike in star style!
Evidently a few prototypes were released into the wild, but the boot was never mass-produced or officially sold. And I think we're all alternately grateful and crushed that the Teva-Ugg -- Tugg? Uggva? -- will never know the clammy foot-sweat of a morning-after Lohan. Grateful because there are enough fugly winter boots proliferating in warm climes, and crushed because, well, guessing which starlet would be the first to buy four pairs in custom colors -- or, better, to sponsor a custom-designed version for sale on eBay to benefit Project Foot Odor or something -- would have been a hell of a betting pool.
I have a question. Not that I'm not all for a pretty pair of shoes, in fact I love them, but I have noticed a theme.
On all of the make-over shows the first thing everybody gets rid of in a girl's wardrobe is the comfortable, I actually see the light of day in the winter, shoes. What gives? While I admit they are not as cute as a pair of heels, I, for one, don't want to slide on my ass from here to China because I don't have on weather appropriate shoes.
What's a girl to do?
Posted by: chris | Feb 2, 2005 11:07:36 AM
Oh my God, that's the worst pairing since the words "New" and "Coke." Look, they even had to make the photos dark to avoid blinding us all.
Posted by: Real Girl | Feb 2, 2005 11:16:39 AM
It's hard to be witty when one is quaking in the horror of what might have been.
Posted by: texasexile | Feb 2, 2005 11:41:12 AM
I haven't stopped laughing since I saw those.
Posted by: halifaxhoney | Feb 2, 2005 11:46:32 AM
I am mortified.
Posted by: cristi | Feb 2, 2005 12:15:27 PM
Hey Chris, try asking Manolo: http://manoloshoes.blogspot.com/
Lucky for me, I live in the south, where cute footwear is an option all year round.
Posted by: houstongirl | Feb 2, 2005 12:33:40 PM
I like to think they would be called Tevuggs. But that's just me.
Posted by: MissDirected | Feb 2, 2005 12:52:27 PM
How about calling them Te-fuggs?
Posted by: Janie | Feb 2, 2005 12:58:59 PM
I think they should be called "I give even skinny girls keg legs" but wait, that's what I call Ugg boots already, hmmmm.
Seriously, can anyone explain to me the current trend in fashion that seems dedicated to making the foot/calf area look as undesireable as possible? I mean, no one's hot enough to pull off the cankles look, I don't care what your girlfriends tell you.
Posted by: Celesteial | Feb 2, 2005 12:59:43 PM
Wow. That's just all sorts of wrong.
I own Tevas. I bought them for trekking around in monsoon weather. But I haven't worn them since.
Posted by: kitkat | Feb 2, 2005 1:07:28 PM
that is so craptastic
Posted by: isla | Feb 2, 2005 1:10:10 PM
I just threw up in my mouth.
Posted by: Enokimama | Feb 2, 2005 1:11:58 PM
What is the point of the sandal straps across the foot? Like your feet could come out of those monstrosities. Rubber soles, I get. But rubber soles + fleece-lined boots = Sorels already.
Posted by: Lauren | Feb 2, 2005 1:16:27 PM
Tell me these aren't real! Tell me these are some sort of Photoshop trick!
And to Chris: In Colorado, some of us wear our winter boots outside, but then bring our pretty shoes to be worn inside. If "What Not to Wear" wants to hunt me down for wearing my Sorels in the snow, then so be it.
Posted by: Blades31 | Feb 2, 2005 1:27:30 PM
Why isn't Jessica posting much anymore?
Posted by: jessica | Feb 2, 2005 1:35:35 PM
Holy hell; I think I just vomited a little in my mouth.
Posted by: karsh | Feb 2, 2005 1:36:44 PM
I get it.
It's kinda like someone had the misfortune of breaking both feet...at the same time...and they don't want to fall down...so they require excellent traction...as not to fall and finish breaking their leg bones...which would be really unfortunate....but they're also a tad bit cold...possibly hindering the whole recuperative process...hence...those montrosities.
At least, I think so.
Posted by: AnonAttack | Feb 2, 2005 2:07:24 PM
Growing up in Australia, the unfortunate birthpace of the fugly ugg, they were always the symbol of white trailor trash. I'm not sure how they became a fashion statement in the transition from Down Under to here in the US. Tragic.
Posted by: Nicole | Feb 2, 2005 2:17:10 PM
I would like to design a bumpersticker much like the "Start Seeing Motorcycles" one: "Stop Seeing Uggs." The worst thing about these is that anybody (everybody) thinks Uggs make them a fashionista. They can be wearing the most average outfit, but throw on these "funky" kicks and voila! they're original (except for the million others). Also, my mom wore them in the early eighties to keep her feet warm. Not to be fashionable- to keep her feet warm.
Posted by: sooz | Feb 2, 2005 2:19:42 PM
Don't worry, Jess fans. There's no mystery to why I've posted more than she has lately. Sometimes we're both free to post, sometimes only one of us is. But she posted just last Friday and will do it again when she can. That's the hazard of having a day job.
Posted by: Heather | Feb 2, 2005 2:26:06 PM
Who would be bored enough to create those? What kind of drug/alcohol was consumed beforehand? Those are just so shocking because it could come true. Which is the most terrifying thing of all.
Posted by: Alexa | Feb 2, 2005 2:28:48 PM
Yet another reason why that film class documentary I have to get started on in about a week should feature me making ghastly faces at those adorned in Uggs of all types. It's too bad these didn't actually make it to production, I could have used some filler.
By the by, any chance of getting one of the Fug Girls for an interview? Only you two can describe this mess without reaching for a nearby trash can. I just don't think vomit is something my audience would like to see.
Posted by: Rachel | Feb 2, 2005 2:41:44 PM
Growing up in Australia - I must agree with Nicole - the Ugg when worn outside of the house is the ultimate in trailer or "bogan" trash fashion. It is hysterical that they are regarded with any degree of fashion credibility. They are usually accompanied by a pair of tracky pants, flannel shirt, mullet and a packet of Winfield Blue cigarettes generally seen outside your local Centrelink (dole office). However, in a city such as Melbourne where central heating is not common - a pair of Uggs in the middle of winter when accompanied by flannel jammies, a face pack, a DVD and a tub of Haagen Daz are quite sublime. However - they are a guilty pleasure to be had behind closed doors NEVER to be worn outdoors - unless quickly going to check the mail. To add ugly sandal straps is quite something else. I can't wait to some tragic celeb wearing them!
Posted by: Vickster | Feb 2, 2005 2:50:48 PM
Uh, the Uggs. At first, I found them sorta cute on Kate Hudson with her skinny legs and shortie short cut offs. However, now that they've been cheapened and made for the masses, Yikes! Every celeb under the sun has been spotted schleping out for coffee in their PJ's with these boots. The translation has been made that the majority of un-attractive America can pull off the same look. If I see one more fat assed women in sweats and these boots, I'm gonna go postal.
Posted by: Mira | Feb 2, 2005 3:03:52 PM
Posted by: Esther | Feb 2, 2005 3:33:10 PM
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