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« March 2005 | Main | May 2005 »

April 29, 2005

American Fuggy

Thora Birch looks like Carson Kressly in a gay rodeo.

Posted by Heather at 11:33 AM | Permalink

April 28, 2005

Fug'd

Either Demi Moore is hiding something, or Ashton gets off on the age difference so much that he's got her dressing like an elderly lady at a wake:

I just... I'm not even sure what that is, to be honest. It appears to be tapered slightly, and it seems to have a strange flowing ruffle befouling the front. With a stiff breeze, you might be able to fly her in the park.

But mostly, I'm just gawking at it. It looks alien to me. I cock my head one way, and it still doesn't work; I frown, lean the other way, and still can't make sense of it. Even Ashton seems to be thinking, "God, Bruce warned me about this stuff..."

Posted by Heather at 04:20 PM | Permalink

Fug Wars: Attack of the Fug

Finally, Bai Ling has found a collection of people who think she is rather well-dressed:


[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Do you think any of these people in the now-famous Star Wars line outside Grauman's Chinese Theater are even aware that she's supposedly famous? They probably just think she's a Netflix PR rep who is dressed up as a Mos Eisley alien.

But, I think we've made a love match:

Posted by Heather at 12:54 PM in Bai Ling | Permalink

April 27, 2005

Mean Fug

Generosity must be the new liposuction, for it seems that the flood of sincere affection and admiration that recently poured right out of Lindsay Lohan in sexy hat form has drained most of the remaining fat cells out of her: 


[Photo courtesy of Lime-light.org.]

No wonder she's "exhausted" all the time -- she walks around dressed like a <i>chaise longue</i>. All she has to do is look down at herself, and she automatically feels like a nap. Although it might help her if she ate a Philly cheesesteak or three. You have a lot more energy for being "high on life" and "drinking soda at bars" if you're not starving yourself. I think she's taking lifestyle tips from the wrong Olsen.

Posted by Heather at 03:53 PM in Lindsay Lohan | Permalink

Veronica Fug

Kristen Bell is an adorable girl, but this bermuda shorts thing has GOT to stop:


[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

First, just because against all odds some 1980s fashions have come back in style, it doesn't mean we have to embrace EVERYTHING that was popular in that decade. Second, linen shorts? With that Joan Collins top? Tsk tsk, Kristen. Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan would be horrified.

Posted by Heather at 02:39 PM in Kristen Bell | Permalink

Ella Fugchanted

Judging by the outcroppings of downy, slightly mangy fuzz springing up in uncomfortable places, I'd say Anne Hathaway's shirt is finally becoming a woman. Who knew you could wear puberty?

Posted by Heather at 11:34 AM | Permalink

April 26, 2005

Fuggy Fugbourne

I can't decide which Kelly Osbourne is more proud of: her breasts, or the fact that she skinned a drum major:


[From The Cobra Snake, via a reader.]

"Yeah, so, this one time, at band camp..."

Posted by Heather at 02:38 PM | Permalink

April 25, 2005

Just My Fug

If there's anything lamer than a trucker hat, it's when a celebrity decides to personalize them as a way of showing her "appreciation" for the people who worked with her on a set. Yet such was allegedly the approach Lindsay Lohan took recently. Upon wrapping a project -- most likely Just My Luck -- Lohan reportedly distributed hats to the crew emblazoned with the sincere and incredibly touching message, "Love, Lindsay."

Such a gift is the film equivalent of "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen," except in this case, replace "pen" with "crappy hat," and replace "heart" with "false letter detailing her professionalism, last red cent when I signed that gag order, and final shred of sanity." A Love, Lindsay trucker hat is the kind of wearable valentine that sits at the bottom of one's closet, or hangs jauntily from the handle of the plunger in the corner of your bathroom and occasionally catches drips after a cleaning.

One savvy entrepreneur, mindful that such a gift is both inexpensive and hilarious, duplicated the hats on a Cafepress store. We applaud that person's incentive, because the more apparent it becomes that Lohan's gift took no thought and even less effort, the better. Yes, 'tis better to give than to receive, yada yada yada, but come on: If she was going to do this, she should have at least gone the whole nine yards and made t-shirts with her face on them that say, "I don't know who you are, and I kind of don't care, but I hope you love me!"

Posted by Heather at 06:29 PM in Lindsay Lohan | Permalink

Unfuggettable


[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

"Look, Natalie, sometimes fairy godmothers get tired, okay? Sometimes they're sick and tired of all your whining and crying, and "stepmother" this, "stepsister" that, "oh, well, it's just that the mice made a big dress for me"... Honey, screw the damn rodents, you know what I'm saying? I've been on my feet since 7 a.m., I've had to act perky and sing gibberish songs to depressed maids in kitchens all over this damn globe, I've been turning vegetables into horsepower ALL DAMN NIGHT, and frankly, I need a gin and tonic and a lusty cabana boy. My mojo is spent. So you will TAKE whatever clothing you GET, and LIKE IT, okay? And if you're not back by midnight... well, I won't know the difference, because by then I'll be passed out inside a bottle of Beefeater with Marco and maybe his cousin Brad. But suffice it to say that if there are photos of you in the papers tomorrow wearing nothing but a scrap of an old prom dress and a poster for Bobby Trendy Designs, well, you have no one but yourself to blame."

Posted by Heather at 10:51 AM | Permalink

Celebrity Terror Watch: Dim Your High-Beams

We felt so awkward about Cat Stone's nip slip -- which is less of a slip than a very deliberate skid on a banana peel -- that we decided to give her the Photoshop equivalent of nipple flowers:


[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Please note that their size is near-accurate and the placement is exact; ergo, they are both better headlights than those which come installed on most automobiles, and the left nipple is sulking. (Aw, muffin, don't worry -- someday she'll learn that, even though black is slimming, "opaque" is the main hue she should wear.)

Posted by Heather at 08:36 AM in Celebrity Terror Watch | Permalink

 

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