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May 05, 2005

Aunt Fug

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

"What up. y'all? I'm gonna be an aunt! Auntie Jamie-Lynn! I'm so excited for the little one -- Britney tells me that I can't wait to babysit, especially because Mama Lynne stopped talking to her the other day for five hours when she caught sis practicing making a bottle of powdered formula, but with Red Bull instead of water. But it's okay -- Mama Lynne has such nice thick hair, she didn't need that clump of it anyway.

"But I do wish she'd stop making me wear these weird things. Ever since the pregnancy announcement, she's been trying to do this weird, like, voodoo stuff, y'all. Like when Mama made me this loincloth out of two old placements Britney used to line Bit-Bit's puppy carrier -- she told me it was blessed with a spermicidal aura that would protect my womb from the poisonous sperm of dumpster maggots. I don't really know what she was talking about, but when I tried to take it off, she ran after me with a nail gun. I think I pulled a muscle in my back, so I can't really stand up straight, y'all, but that's okay, because Kevin said humpbacks are sexy. At least I think that's what he said. He was sort of laughing through a mouthful of Funyuns at the time."

Posted by Heather at 10:09 AM | Permalink


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