Fugly: Fully Loaded

The last time I saw this kid, Justin Long, he was sitting in a bed watching Clean Britney Spears give him a giggly striptease before she losing her nerve and declining to fork over the sweet flower of her virginity. (Little did he know, circa Crossroads, what a limited-time offer Clean Britney's vagina would be.)

Now, though, cute little nerdy Justin -- a.k.a. The Nerd Whose Name I Can't Remember from Ed, and Some Character Who Apparently Wanted to Cheerlead And Was, Shockingly, Also A Nerd, from Dodgeball -- appears to have had his upper lip hijacked by a French Count desperate to bilk you of all your rent money or else tie you to the train tracks:

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

If Jimmy Fallon or David Schwimmer ever needs somebody to play his brother in the touching, yet faintly caustic tale of a man who learns he was adopted and that his real family is a roving band of used-car salesmen -- who sell jalopies by day and perform in the redneck band Uncle Grandma by night --then I think Justin Long and his patchy pubescent mustache will be a perfect fit.

But I have to wonder... is it the fate of all men Touched By The Spears, directly or indirectly, to grow reedy, pubic facial hair? Does Justin Timberlake have this to look forward to, or does she only do this to brunettes?