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June 21, 2005

Helen Fug

"Hello! I'm Helen Hunt's agent, and I just dropped by to let you know that everything is fine. Just fine. No cause for alarm!"

"See? Nothing at all to worry about -- she is aglow with the joys of motherhood, too humbled by that miracle to feel she really needs to stand up straight, and she resents very much the implication that her "smile" appears to be frozen in place beneath empty, desperate eyes. Ms. Hunt is as warm and cuddly and vital a person as ever, so no, she would not like to read the script for the film adaptation of The Golden Girls, thank you very much, not even if she gets to play Blanche, because Helen Hunt is YOUNG and STILL RELEVANT, and does not do caftans.

Nor is she suddenly partial only to dressing like a very sheltered librarian at her first luau.  The above is just an optical illusion -- it's because you're not on The Inside. See, we insiders know the Elizabethan ruff is on the cusp of a massive comeback, so Helen is in fact something of a visionary, and you will all be sorry in a few months when everyone important in the world is wearing one, along with their outfits that are color-coordinated to match a Price Is Right living-room showcase, so get your laughs in now, folks, because oh, for the LOVE of GOD, HELEN, MUST YOU BE IN SUCH A HURRY TO TURN 65?!? I HAVE A MORTGAGE, LADY. DON'T MAKE ME CUT YOU."

Posted by Heather at 07:02 AM | Permalink

 

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