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June 14, 2005

The Fug Boat: Making Another Run

[Photo courtesy of Lime-light.org.]

Tori, Tori, Tori. You are not Paris Hilton, and you are neither Kirsten Dunst nor an Olsen twin, so it's confusing to me why you are dressed like a fried Florida socialite in her twilight years. Did Donna Martin graduate -- and become a fashion designer -- in vain? Or are you traveling "incognito" to another "audition" for one of your father's shows, for which casting agents will soon meet a mysterious "Lori Welling," whose resume boasts ten years of experience on Toluca Lake, 91505, and who is auditioning for the part of the cruise director on The Love Boat: Geriatric Gang-Bang, where your Blanches and Ediths and Mabels sign up for some sun, fun, and bridge foursomes without a clue about the kinky results some Eds and Freds and Wilburs will expect? Is that it, Tori? Does that explain everything? Can you help me out here?

Because... please reconsider all of it. I know you can't get a TV show picked up without "anonymously" trying out for one of daddy's offerings, but you are DONNA FREAKING MARTIN, for God's sake. At least take off the HAT.

Posted by Heather at 07:06 AM | Permalink


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