Celebrity Skeeve Watch: Thomas Jane

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Thomas Jane didn't realize he'd morphed into a creepy, bloated, overtired lounge-lizard type until somebody asked which one he was -- Nolte or Busey.

We're at threat level yellow here, people (see the Appendix below).

I realize things could be worse, but the Fugland Security color coding system is all about keeping you informed and working together to nip these things in the bud. We don't want an Orange Alert, or God forbid, a red one, which rhymes with "K-Fed" for a reason. So before things get that far, somebody please reach out a helping hand to Mr. Patricia Arquette -- or at least, reach out and button up his shirt a bit higher.

Appendix: SKEEVE WATCH TERROR LEVEL CHART

SEVERE: Kevin Federline

HIGH: Brandon Davis

ELEVATED: Michael Madsen

GUARDED: Wilmer Valderrama

Low: Jake Gyllenhaal