September 28, 2005
Fuglett Johansson: Updated 9/29
I can't imagine what Scarlett Johansson's groin did to merit being punished in this manner:
I'm not sure who decided the Mom Jeans rise needed to come back in, but let's put it this way: If it takes you as long to run the bases as it does an ACTUAL baseball player, something's awry.
Also, would somebody please loan her $20? She needs some cotton tanks that aren't Olsen-thin.
We have since learned that what ScarJo's groin did was quite simple: It allowed itself to take part in a fashion show by Imitation of Christ, the label created by the fearsome Tara Subkoff -- and for which our very favorite icon of fug, Chloe Sevigny, designs/has designed. So suddenly, the imprisoning 20-mile zipper isn't surprising, nor is the general aura of awfulness around the entire look. ScarJo, we understand they may have shoved and shoehorned you into that outfit, but... free yourself from their neon claws. You owe it to yourself. And to your pelvis.