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October 04, 2005

Celebrity Manorexia Watch: Richard Grieco

Remember when Richard Grieco... well, wait, first of all, do you remember Richard Grieco? He was the non-Depp heartthrob from 21 Jump Street, got his own spinoff called Booker based on that character, and went on to star in the role you probably cherish most: Tom in the smash hit Tomcat: Dangerous Desires.

Back in the day, he looked like this:

Those days are gone. I think we're at an Orange Alert* with this one, folks. Here he is now:

The dull eyes, the haunted face, the sallow, sunken cheeks that have never known the glorious, loving caress of a meatball sub... I'm not sure why or when Richard Grieco dieted into the undead realm, but he'd better be careful wearing that cross around his neck. He might accidentally ward off himself. Maybe that's already happened, hence the departure of flesh from his frame. Look, even his Yankees hat is depressed about it.

Maybe the emaciation is due to his last two films, Raiders of the Damned and Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain. If it is, and he is just that committed to his acting, then I beg him and his agent to collaborate urgently on finding a more appropriate next role -- the lead in a movie called Carb Orgy, or Bet You Can't Eat Just One, or maybe The Amazing Adventures of the Crisco Kid.

Don't let this happen to you, celebrity men. Indeed, Richard Grieco, don't let this happen to you any more, either. Don't catch the disease Billy Bob Thornton made popular. Don't bobblehead yourself. For the love of cholesterol, please, put something with fat content in your mouth.

* Appendix: MANOREXIA WATCH TERROR LEVEL CHART

SEVERE:

Nicole Richie

(her emaciation transcends gender)

HIGH:

Billy Bob Thornton

ELEVATED:

Carson Daly

GUARDED:

Tobey Maguire

Low:

Jack Osbourne

Posted by Heather at 11:09 AM in Celebrity Terror Watch | Permalink

 

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