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October 24, 2005

Fugly Trendy


[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Ooh, Bobby -- you might want to have that thing looked at; I think it's infected.

Posted by Heather at 09:20 AM | Permalink

October 21, 2005

Fug Fiennes

I realize he was pretty smoldering in The English Patient, and that Jessica once had a (well-deserved) shrine to him in her college dorm room, but I do think that slumming it alongside Jennifer Lopez Noa Judd almost-Affleck Anthony has slowly sucked the life out of Ralph Fiennes.

Don't get me wrong:  I'm not even saying he's fugly, really. And his shirt, below, is quite a sassy color. But there's something in his coif... he looks like he's trying to corner the celluloid serial killer market -- perhaps campaigning to make the role of Younger Hannibal Lecter the new and ever-so-slightly more carnivorous James Bond:


[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

"Clariiiiiice... you stole my Rogaine, Clariiiiiice... I had to eat the hair plugs off Larry King last night, and it's murder to pick those out of your teeth, Clariiiiiiice, especially if you want to wear them... And I don't even LIKE men who taste like formaldehyde, Clariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice..."

Posted by Heather at 11:56 AM | Permalink

Fugrea Bowen

It's not even Halloween yet, but Desperate Housewives' Andrea Bowen has apparently already debuted her Roy G. Biv costume:


[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Either that, or it's performance art representing the many layers of TV mom Teri Hatcher's career, from bottom to top: Red-hot, tepid, chilly, worthy of a Howie Long golden shower, totally in the crapper, and then finally, hot again in that "blood-boiling on-set feud" kind of way. It's really very sweet of Ms. Bowen to pay such a touching tribute to The Hatch (the one on ABC that's not a computer-operated den of insanity, illicit hygiene, and secret carbohydrates -- at least, as far as we know), but she should have considered that the many tints of Teri not only fight each other like attention whores at a magazine shoot, but devour her waist in the process.

Posted by Heather at 06:11 AM | Permalink

October 20, 2005

Fugtown Julie Brown

Well, it's not like I expect "Downtown" Julie Brown to show up looking all sedate and stuff, but dude:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb]

This is a bit...Lori Petty by way of Jocelyn Wildenstein crossed with Amelia Earhart and topped with a fedora for me.

Posted by Jessica at 11:22 AM | Permalink

October 19, 2005

Sisterhood of the Traveling Fug

Dear Amber Tamblyn,

We are big fans of you here at GFY HQ. You're so cute! You're not a bobblehead! You're a pretty good little actress! Your Dad was awesome in Twin Peaks, and also clearly knows his way around both a switchblade AND a fan kick, thanks to his work in West Side Story, and God knows, we have no beef with genes like that. Finally, you clearly respect the power of properly fitting trousers, as saluted in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, a movie that absolutely did not make any of us cry, not once.

However.  This is a problem:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb]

Tragically, it gets worse:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb]

What? That is just bizarre. I mean, first of all, would it have killed you to wear black boots, if you had to do that Jeans Tucked Into Boots thing that all the kids are doing nowadays, despite the fact that it's killing us? But most of all, kiddo, that shirt is just....weird. I think with black pants or a black pencil skirt, it could have worked -- you could pull off the high-waisted look okay.  But it just looks weird over your old, kick-back, relaxed-wash Levi's. The proportions are freaky, and the jeans are way too casual for the top. It's just...it's really just perplexing. And is that a....zipper? Or something? All the way from your navel to your, you know, personal lady areas? Because that just looks....weird. Or is....oh my God. I thought the black band-thingie -- you know, that salute to Au Coton you've got on -- was part of your SHIRT, but could it be part of your JEANS? Or even, god forbid, just a crazy belt-type apparatus?

Listen, you're totally freaking me. I can't figure out what the hell is going on here. I'm just going to look away now.

Posted by Jessica at 11:00 AM | Permalink

October 18, 2005

Letter of Fug: Oh My GOD, Y'all, Now I'm a Mom!

Oh my God, y'all, it's been way too long since like we talked and stuff! But I have had my hands full with being all huge and pregnant because it turns out that being pregnant is actually sort of uncomfortable and even though I thought I would be all glowing and stuff the whole time, I actually mostly just had to pee a lot and then I had, like, this really big fight with my mom because she told me I looked broad as a barn, or something, which I think is just mean, because the Chillatos I was drinking were for her GRANDSON, hello, and then Kevin was just I don't even know where half the time, but all that's over now because I had the baby and now I'm back out at the Coffee Bean!

Okay, now, just wait a second. I know the pants are way too long. I know, I know, I know. They are. But I am a NEW MOTHER and I don't have time to be all running out to Demin Doctors or whatever to get my jeans hemmed up. I am BRINGING UP A CHILD. I am INVESTING IN THE FUTURE OF AMERICA THROUGH THE CHILDREN, or something. I don't have time for TAILORS and stuff. But other than that, seriously, don't you think I actually look pretty good, I mean, considering? I mean, didn't you sort of suspect that I might just totally start showing up places wearing like a muu-muu and one of those old lady rain hats made out of old plastic bags and chain-smoking or something? Like I would just decide that I was totally going to just give up on all that exercising they used to make me do and start living on, you know, fiery Cheetos and Jolt?  Okay, but listen, listen -- didn't you also think I was going to name the baby, like, Marlboro Milkshake Spears or something lame like that? DIDN'T YOU? I KNOW you did. And I DIDN'T. I DIDN'T. I named him SEAN. Like a NORMAL PERSON. See, I can be a TOTALLY NORMAL PERSON even though I have all these people with cameras following me around and my husband won't stop drinking Pabst straight out of the tap, like would it kill him to use a cup or something? Between you and me, and please seriously don't mention this to the Star or anything, he is really starting to get on my nerves. First of all, he was smoking a cigar to celebrate having the baby and that's totally fine but he actually lit the cigar with a two dollar bill that he set on fire and I told him that we don't have enough money to actually DO THAT and then he told me that a two dollar bill WASN'T REAL MONEY and then I actually had to take him to the McDonald's and buy some McNuggets with one before he would believe me that it was and honestly I am getting a little tired of his behavior and I am thinking about taking the baby and a couple of the nannies and getting in the car and going to Justin's and just throwing myself on his mercy because he totally can't turn down a girl who has a baby because that would just be mean.

And Kevin and my mother can just fend for themselves. See how they like it when I'm not even around anymore. Here's a hint: THEY WON'T.

Posted by Jessica at 11:04 AM in Britney Spears | Permalink

October 17, 2005

The O Fug

INT.MISCHA'S BEDROOM.EVENING

MISCHA BARTON, a young actress, stands in front of her closet.

MISCHA:

What should I wear to the Ivy tonight? What to wear....what to wear....? The Jaclyn Smith Women's Collection caftan? No, that's so Mary Kate, and no one's seen her out and about in ages.  The argyle sweaterdress with the mukluks? No, too Ashlee Simpson. God forbid. I'd rather die. The gray twill jumpsuit? No, what if someone thinks I'm Maggie Gylllllenhallalalalll or whatever her name is? Like I would ever make a movie where I end up peeing myself just so some guy can spank me, or whatever happened at the end of that movie. God. I hate EVERYTHING I own. Everything! Except....

Yes! My BIKE SHORTS! I can even go to spinning class on the way to dinner. Excellent!

END SCENE.

Posted by Jessica at 03:54 PM in Mischa Barton | Permalink

Fug and Fug

There is a LOT going on here with Rachel True:

This outfit reminds me of nothing more than that old adage about accessories and the wisdom of removing one before leaving the house.   We've got boots! We've got fishnets! We've got one...no, TWO skirts! A BeDazzled shirt! A BeDazzled OVERshirt! Big spangly earrings! All floaty hems and autumnal colors, all the time! More! More! More!

I feel like at this point, you might as well throw on a cowboy hat and a gold-plated breastpiece and go for it. If you're going for too much, go for TOO MUCH.

Posted by Jessica at 12:41 PM | Permalink

October 14, 2005

Fugomatic for the People

Oh, MICHAEL STIPE.

I know you're all quirky and arty and stuff, but COME ON.

It's like a child's half-assed George Washington costume from the waist down, and, like, Baked Communications Professor on Graduation Day from the waist to the neck, and then, god, I don't even know, like, MY GRANDPA from the neck up.

So unless Michael Stipe woke up one morning and said, "today, I am going out dressed as Jessica's grandfather, if he were an academic obsessed with crossing the Delaware," then this is a MISSTEP.

Posted by Jessica at 11:24 AM | Permalink

October 13, 2005

Cicely Fugson

WHEN will people learn the lesson about ruffles?


[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

This dress makes her look like a mime crossed with a clown. She's ... a clime. Sweet God, aren't those two things bad enough on their own?

Posted by Heather at 03:29 PM | Permalink

 

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