The Fugsen Twins

[Photo courtesy of Zap2It.com.]

In one terrifying moment of clarity, Ashley Olsen realized too late that she and her newly person-sized twin had been told a lie: They were not, in fact, so cute that they could make a Hanes XXL look like high fashion. And she had no idea where she'd left her trousers.

Fug Young

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

After the drive-in, Sean Young wrapped a scarf around her hickeys and headed to the soda shop for some chocolate malts.

Goodbye Fug: Randy Quaid

It's tough to be Randy Quaid.

Well, okay, not really. He's a talented actor, he's funny, he grilled burgers made of Hamburger Helper in National Lampoon's Vacation, and he can probably afford a mortgage in this town, which is more than a lot of people can say. In that sense, being Randy Quaid isn't such a heinous thing.

But it's got to be hard when your brother is Delicious -- er, I mean, Dennis -- and you will always be considered the Quaid who, sure, is great at what he does, but maybe got stuck in the shallow end of the physical gene pool while Dennis was busy marinating in all that good DNA juice that buxom blonde hotties have spent his lifetime licking off of that manly, sculpted chest.

All that goes to show why we at Go Fug Yourself were so sad to see Randy apparently just giving up in this manner. It was a shame, because it's not that Randy is ugly; it's that his brother is, in some senses, Adonis Quaid (have you SEEN The Parent Trap? Lindsay Lohan is probably pissed she was only 12 back then, because Dennis would've been a way hotter grossly inappropriate bar fling than Bruce Willis). There's a reason Dennis is "Sinned" backwards, and it's because that's what he makes nice girls want to do. But that muumuu... it was an alarming sign of surrender from Randy. We thought we might never get him back.

Until today.

Randy looks healthy, happy, and as if he's raided Sinned's wardrobe. A white t-shirt and a leather jacket, paired with jeans, is a universal thumbs-up, especially when it does not appear to be accompanying any kind of mid-life crisis/trucker hat. In all, I'd say Randy is proving he did at least breast-stroke his way into a deeper part of the DNA reservoir. He looks fetching! Rock on with your Quaidness, Randy!

And most vitally, congratulations on pulling yourself out of smock doom. Those were terrible times. Don't ever hide your light under a muumuu again, okay?

Mission Imfuggable

Katie Holmes, finally realizing what, exactly, she's gotten herself into by agreeing to marry Crazy Tom Cruise and bear his ill-gotten spawn (namely, daily ultrasounds administered at home by Crazy Tom Cruise, a silent birth enforced by Crazy Tom Cruise, and the joy of attempting to raise a normal, healthy child whose father is Crazy Tom Cruise), really can't be bothered to dress herself anymore, so Crazy Tom Cruise just has to drag her out onto the streets of Shanghai in her bathrobe.

But can you blame her for not even trying any more? At best, she looks exhausted. At worst, little Joey Potter appears hopelessly resigned to her fate as Crazy Tom Cruise's Zombie Bride.  I never thought I'd say this, but she'd be so much better off with the Beek.

The Fuginator

Linda Hamilton is famous for a few things, but here are the two biggest: 1) dripping sweat, growling, and kicking ass in the first two Terminator movies, and 2) making off with half James Cameron's net worth -- the second-richest divorce settlement in Hollywood history -- when she caught him docking the ship at Suzy Amis Pier during the filming of Titanic.

So I was understandably alarmed to see her in this:

At first glance, I thought this was Kirstie Alley, from whom a batshit-crazy combo of cowboy boots, an enormous cardigan/coat/portable king-sized bed blanket, and a lingerie slip-dress is at least expected. But Linda Hamilton... okay, at the very least, she's got enough cash to buy an outfit that's seasonally appropriate, rather than such a thin satin shell that she has to Bill Cosby herself into retaining some body heat.

There's just something faintly "I just woke up -- where am I?" about the whole photo. Which, again, totally par for the course from Kirstie Alley, and quite honestly, I prefer my Rebecca Howe two-parts hyper-ventilating, three-parts zaftig, and ten-parts deranged. But if Linda Hamilton turns up on any Pier 1 Imports commercials, I think we should stage an interfugtion. The woman who stabbed a man in the knee with a pencil does not need to start hawking wicker furniture.

America's Next Fug Model, Part II

Now, here at Go Fug Yourself, we rarely feature the same poor wretched soul twice in one day. It seems cruel [-er than usual]. And yet it appears that ANTM's Poor Wretched Michelle is severely in need of an intervention.

Her jeans are fine -- although I'm pretty sure she has a huge grease stain on her left leg -- but a matching sweatband/choker? For reals? And a knit cap? And a pink belt? And sneakers? The poor kid basically looks like she came straight from her job at Hot Topic. In 1996.  Which is fine. If you work at Hot Topic. In 1996.

Janice Dickinson would NOT approve. In fact, I kind of suspect she might slap poor Michelle's face and then rip the knit cap right off her head, the better to set it on fire.

America's Next Fug Model

In the cycle of America's Next Top Model prior to the current one, there was a contestant who had troubles,  we soon learned, looking her best. It was hard to hate her because she was just such a mess. She was awkward, she was gawky, she had a really unfortunate period where it was rumored that she had the skin-eating bacteria devouring her face. 

Her name is Michelle:

[Picture courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

And she's wearing a gold sequined bandeau top. Under a vest. With a girly lederhosen-inspired belt.

At least she kicked the the skin-eating bacteria.

CMA Fug Carpet: Lee Ann Womack

"Look, guys. I've about had it. All I came here to do was smile and talk about how proud I am to be at the Country Music Awards, and how I love singing, and country, and music, in addition to singing country music, and all you keep asking is whether I miss being on Baywatch and how Tommy is doing and whether Kid Rock has any free kegs he needs to get rid of, and one of you keeps asking if my last name is spelled with a silent DD, and I don't know WHY that is so damn funny -- STOP IT. You, in the back, stop asking if I'm from Manila and that's why I've made my skin the same color as the envelopes. I don't know when you people turned from paparazzi into comedians, but it's really, really not working for me and if you don't cut it out right now I am going to call ALL of your mothers."

David Fuggelhoff

I fear that something terrible has befallen America's Germany's Sweetheart.

I know, I know, even heroes have to age. But those aren't just the hollow cheeks of the chronologically damned; no, there's something around the eyes. Something tweaked. Something... Redford.

I curse the eye job that turned him from "Craggy But Still Hot" to "Craggy With Eyelids That Look Propped Open By The Power of Surgery." And I have a nagging suspicion that The Hoff has wandered down this same path -- this dangerous road of premature nips and tucks that somehow manage to expose your age rather than defy it.

Not long ago, Herr Hoffbrau looked like the Mitch Buchannon we fondly remember, albeit ever so gently kissed by Father Time and a fraction less likely to trot around in orange shorts.

He could still furrow his brow back then. He was... well,  himself, and not the wax-figure version of himself that looks sort of soulless and plastic.

We miss your natural manscape, Hasselhoff. We certainly hope whatever happened is magically reversible.

Fuguna Beach

EXT. RANDOM HOLLYWOOD STREET. NIGHT:

TALAN:

Listen, Kim, we need to talk.

KIMBERLY:

Huh?

TALAN:

I think we rushed into this engagement thing.

KIMBERLY:

For reals?

TALAN:

We've only known each other for a week. Also, I'm only nineteen. And this is your third engagement. I think maybe we aren't using very good judgement.

KIMBERLY:

Really?

TALAN:

Um. Yeah.  Also, that dress thing? Is kinda unseasonal. Especially with those boots. I'm pretty sure that what appears to be resort wear -- even an ostensibly cute psuedo-tennis dress slash cover-up like this one -- isn't meant to be paired with a heavy brown knee-high boot, especially when you're also carrying a spring bag. I really don't believe in matching ones bag to ones shoes anymore, but they need to be complementary, and these are not.  Sure, maybe some cute flats would work, but this is definitely a day dress and your attempt to transform it into evening wear frankly embarasses me as a man. Also, you really, really need a haircut.

KIMBERLY:

So, what are you saying?

TALAN:

The engagement is off.

AMAs Fug Carpet: Jenny McCarthy

Esteemed American recording artist Jenny McCarthy -- her big hits included, "I'm Gonna Stick Out My Tongue As Far As I Can And Then Jump Around (On Singled Out)," "Isn't It AWESOME When Hot Girls FART?" (with Cameron Diaz), and the top ten hit, "If I Never Shut Up Up, I'll Never Be Able To Hear You Tell Me To Go Away" -- seems to be under the misapprehension that the AMAs are a costume party:

And she's the sexy librarian in velvet gauchos! I swear, if I saw one of those on Halloween, I saw twenty.

AMAs Fug Carpet: Nicky and Paris Hilton

Am I the only one who finds it suspicious that NICKY Hilton is dressed like a Vegas call girl and PARIS Hilton is wearing something classy, demure, flattering and actually pretty?

Is this some kind of Sweet Valley High Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield Trade Places For the Day Because Jessica Really Needs Elizabeth to Pretend to Be Her To Get Out of a Scrape And Elizabeth Is Too Much of a Pushover to Say No type of thing? Like, is Nicky attempting to pass as Paris so she can later, say, break up with Stavros without accidentally sleeping with him on videotape first? She better watch out, because playing the Elizabeth to a Jessica Wakefield is dangerous. Next thing you know, Nicky Hilton is gonna get in a motorcycle accident and awake from a coma thinking she IS Paris and she'll start doing things like running around town with a monkey and then the only thing that will get her out of it, as avid readers of Sweet Valley High 7: Dear Sister know, will be if she happens to drunkenly roll off a coffee table and conk her head. Save yourself, Nicky! Everyone secretly hated Elizabeth Wakefield for being such an mealy-mouthed easy mark. Don't let Paris talk you into going out looking like the trashy one.

AMA Fug Carpet: Ashanti

Well, it's about time! I've been waiting for somebody to pay fashion homage to the Cleveland Browns football team, and it's only fitting that said tribute should come from another bastion of mediocrity.

Random Fug II: No Pants For The Wicked

Hang onto your hats, folks. This one's a doozy.

I know Jessica thinks she found the worst outfit ever to be featured on GFY, but I think I've topped that with the ensemble of one Ms. Courtney Act:

Ms. Act was apparently a contestant on Australian Idol 2, in addition to being the victim of a cruel genetic experiment that took Fergie's DNA, crossed it with Pamela Anderson's, rapidly aged the resulting mutation, and then let it escape into the wild.

Unfortunately, as we all know, mutations and credit cards don't mix. If you encounter Ms. Act, do not make any sudden movements, as she may become suddenly and violently confused about whether it's her dress, her head, or her breasts that are affixed improperly.  Simply telephone the touring production of The Spearmint Rhino Presents: The Nutcracker Suite, announce that you've found another extra for the Sugar Plum Orgy scene, and retreat to a massage parlor to get a foot rub.

Edited at 3:15 p.m.: Apparently, all of Australia is finely attuned to the Courtney Act PR Radar, and it pinged but good when this entry went up. We've since learned Ms. Act is a drag queen; however, although that explains the outfit away to some degree, it probably does not invalidate the theory about Fergie and Pammy's DNA. And the shoes still look like they're about to break his-her feet. And what is with that makeup, or lack thereof? It's almost as if he-she is a drag queen who isn't trying hard enough. Snap to it, Courtney.

Random Fug

This woman, the so-called "Kate Fischer," claims to be some sort of model or actress in Australia.

Now, it's charming to think you can fit into the same things you wore when you were eight. Really. But when she was eight, that bunch of wooden beads probably didn't act as so vital a fabric-weight; here, its blessedly convenient location seems to be resulting in a pinning-down of the ruffles, lest a strong breeze blow right through her wind tunnel. Thank you, Bead Cluster.

[Whatever's about to metamorphose from that alien larva she's clutching will thank you mightily, too.]

Chigafug

Okay,  Bebe Neuwirth. You are a great dancer. You have great legs. You look much younger than you actually are. You're very vital. We're all very impressed.

PLEASE PUT ON SOME PANTS.

Celebrity Bloat Watch: Prognosis Negative

The GFY Celebrity Terror-Watch Task Force today issued an APB on Jon Favreau's neck.

Favreau has been under watch for months now, stemming from his February upgrade to Threat Level: Severe. We here at the GFY CT-WTF want you, the public, to know that we're monitoring this situation incredibly closely to see if we need to create a new category, "BLOATAGEDDON: IT IS VERY HARD TO LIVE WITHOUT A NECK," in some sort of throbbing crimson hue.

We love you, Jon. This is for your protection.

Tracy Fuggins

Hey, y'all! Have you heard about TEAM TRACY?

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Hi! I'm actress Tracy Scoggins. You may have loved me on Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, as the chick who wasn't Teri Hatcher but who oozed sex. You might also have enjoyed my work in The Colby's as Monica, the Colby who oozed sex, or in Demonic Toys, Babylon 5, Asylum of the Damned, and Jury Duty: A Comedy, as the __________ who had a bright smile. Oh, and who oozed sex.

And if you did enjoy me in any of those things, or if you intended to but never got around to it because the VCR ate your tape of that one episode where Lois and Clark flirted and I panted a lot and wore tight things, then this is a call to arms. I need you -- YOU -- to join TEAM TRACY. I'm bored of doing jazzercise. I'm tired of sitting at home BeDazzling my own pants pockets while hurling rhinestones at Desperate Housewives. And I am two face lifts away from being Joan Rivers. I need HELP. I need a comeback.

And there is no time like the present: I'm clearly still as young and fresh as ever. I mean, I dress like I'm 10. I look like I'm 10... ish. If I left this party and hopped on a pink bike with Laguna Beach trading cards in the spokes and long pink and silver streamers sticking out of the handles, you would not blink. You would simply think I am young at heart and FAR TOO OLD to be washed up. By FAR. Plus, I'm about to appear in some of the best work of my life -- The Cutter, which is not about tragic teen angst but in fact about a detective who helps a jeweller. And it stars... wait for it... CHUCK NORRIS. Yes. The star wattage around this movie is intense, so it's never too late to start the campaign for people to use this as a springboard into getting me parts in things that people actually watch without feeling kind of dirty afterward.

So, invest now in a TEAM TRACY shirt, which you can wear to black-tie events, spinning class, or even to my agent's house if you feel like standing outside the gate with an accompanying sign that says, "Longin' for Scoggin'...s," or"You Can't Spell 'OSCAR' Without Several Of The Letters In 'TRACY SCOGGINS' And Then Also An 'R.'" We need to get me back on the list of Hollywood hellcats (I was even in a movie called Mr. Hell, if that helps). It's time, darlings. Put the Scog back in your hearts."

Hayden Fugittiere

Have you ever wanted to gaze deep into the eyes of Fug?

Now you can.

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Now, when you stare at The Fug, The Fug stares back.

Chilling, isn't it?

Fugla Dern

Apparently, Laura Dern reads Go Fug Yourself and became mildly concerned that -- although it's unlikely -- the Kelly Lynch/Kelly Preston confusion might start to seep over in her blonde direction. And so she too is engaging in keep-away fashion:

It just goes to show you that the adage is true: People really will do (or wear) anything to avoid talking to Scientologists.

[That sound you hear is Mr. and Mrs. Holmes hissing at their fresh paper cuts, which came from them buying four of these and frantically cramming them into an envelope to send to Kat(i)e. I hate to say, though, guys, that it probably won't be good enough Scieno-repellant for your daughter; she's in deeper than even a melange of clashing boho hoo-ha can save.]

Mrs Laguna Fug

"Hey, Paris? Paris? It's Kim. Kimberley. Kimberley STEWART.

Dude, I'm getting married! MARRRRRRIED! To Talan. Talan! Talan Torisisisisisisisisisico, or something, I don't really know what his last name is exactly, but whatever. No. No. TALAN. From Laguna Beach.  No, not that one.  The other one. No, that's Stephen. Yes! I think. I actually am not entirely sure which one I'm marrying, but whatever, I'm SO EXCITED! Also! Oh my God, this is almost better, I got these bitchin' hot slipper boots. They're like fierce and ethnic and they look really really wicked with my baggy leggings and this sweater coat from 2002. I feel AWESOME right now, Paris! Paris? Paris, are you there? Can you hear me? Paris, will you be my bridesmaid? Hello? What? NO. Kristin will NOT be mad at you if you're in my wedding. No! Totally not! You don't even KNOW her, Paris. No, she's just on the TV! We haven't really met her yet! Come on! We're BEST FRIENDS! We're BFF! Remember how I brought you a card after your monkey attacked you? That's LOVE! Please, Paris? I'll let you wear my boots!"

Grosse Fug

I think this might be the worst outfit we've ever featured on Go Fug Yourself.  Which is saying a lot. Seriously:

Lindsay Sloane, I enjoyed your work on Grosse Pointe. But this outfit is so bad that if you were a horse I would advocate taking you out behind the barn and putting you down. I literally don't even know what to say.  The skirt is way too short -- seriously, is it even a skirt? Or is it some kind of horrific beige apron? Or is that some freaky-ass shirt? Whatever it is, why is it that length when it's also that silhouette?  It's really -- look, why muddle about with metaphor? -- unflattering. I honestly, seriously, really want to know: did you look at this and think, "good idea. I love this outfit." ? Or are you running to a premiere straight from intermediate jazz class?

Also, your body suit -- and, honestly, do I even have to say it? I can live with leggings, but that's is like  a spring suit or something under there -- makes you look like you have NO ARMS.

That being said, I can't wait until I get an email telling me that somehow I missed the news item wherein it was revealed that Lindsay Sloane got her arms caught in a mangle and now has to drive with her teeth.  Which...no, still doesn't excuse the skirt thingie.

Fugging Liberty

Okay. So if Lindsay Lohan is the starlet I want to spend Saturday night with, hanging out at Club Element, getting alarmingly drunk on pink drinks and saying progressively meaner things about Paris Hilton to each other, then Mandy Moore is the starlet I'd want to hang out with on Sunday. You know, we'd go to the Coffee Bean and get lattes and then head over to the Beverly Center and try on shoes but not buy any because none of them really spoke to us and then we'd go spend way too much money on jeans even though we both already have a lot of jeans and then we'd go home and eat take out and watch Grey's Anatomy and occasionally pause the Antics of Dr McDreamy to ask each other what the hell is wrong with the boys we happen to be dating. In other words, she seems friendly and relate-able and cute and so I watch Chasing Liberty every time it's on HBO, don't JUDGE ME. I like her.

But Mandy, I don't think I would have let you buy this:

I like the length, and I don't mind the color. But the cut is so boxy and those weird hankerchief sleeves totally make her look square and broadshouldered.  I like the idea of this dress -- it's retro, it's a little Priscilla Presley Marries Elvis, it's sweet but also a little edgy, I get it conceptually. But it just doesn't quite work on La Moore. Girl needs something to give her a waist. It's fitting that she's wearing this at a Lucky fete, since my formerly favorite magazine has been suggesting, of late, that I do things like wear textured black tights under white spandex hot pants and a kicky vintage tunic, accessorized with nurse's clogs and fur earmuffs.

In fact, it must be Lucky's fault. Witness the very day before:

So cute! The color is so pretty without being cloying, and this time, the cut doesn't make her look like  her day job requires the ability to stop Peyton Manning in the red zone.  Trust your instincts, Mandy! Call me!

Mo More Fug

It was an embarrassing misunderstanding: Nobody told Mary J. Blige that "dressage" is an equestrian event, not a personal style favored by Britain's horse-crazed upper-crust.

Omarosa Manigault-Fugworth

Omarosa appears to be taking great, fiendish joy in wearing a denim frock whose wash is forcing our eye toward that prickly cave of danger she calls a crotch:

Are we being forced to endure her 15 minutes of fame in dog years, or something? If she inches forward onto that mark, will an anvil or a piano or a hunk of plaster the size of Montana please drop from the sky onto her head?

Casafugna

Aw, Peter Pan is all grown up:

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Grown up, and dressing as the "Papa Don't Preach"-era Madonna. At first I was thrilled to see that she left her omnipresent leggings under the bed where they belong, but those trousers aren't much better. I like to think the woman on the right was actually closing her eyes in pain to spare herself the sight of... what? What is that thing? Is it a shirt and pants with a marathon-length rise, or a jumpsuit? I can't even tell. Which probably should have been Sienna's first clue that this hip-widening, breast-ruining monstrosity and its overly cropped pants was a horrible idea (the second clue being the fact that it's a hip-widening, breast-ruining monstrosity with overly cropped pants, and the third being the fact that her mother is sitting at home right now going, "Sienna never did meet an iron she knew how to use").

All of which is a shame, because tabloid scandals -- and the occasional alleged James Bond boffage -- really seem to agree with her skin.

I'm starting to wonder if she's just playing a big joke on mankind, and that she's always hell-bent on wearing something that's fugworthy just to see if some vapid starlet or other clones her next week. I love the idea of Sienna lounging in her bedroom reading Us Weekly -- taking a break from cutting up photos of Jude Law and texting him taunting messages like, "Yeah, he's 007 ... INCHES" -- and cackling gleefully at the first sight of Hilary or Manlie Duff, or Kate Bosworth, aping her last litmus test of Hollywood lunacy.

Or, maybe she just wears stupid things. Whichever.

Hustle and Fug

Hustle and Flow's Paula Jai Parker maybe didn't get the memo that the Diversity Awards were not so much a costume party:

And clearly, no one had the heart to tell her. She looks so proud of herself! So happy! So much like the love child of a pirate wench and a gray-flannel-suited stockbroker [you know, party in the cut, business in the fabric].  And we all know that while that particular sort of romance  starts out with fireworks and bodice-ripping and maybe a little post-coital discussion of mutual funds, it eventually devolves into a complete disaster. Much like this ensemble.

Fug Quiz III

Would you be caught dead in this?

a) Yes -- I prefer all  my shirts to symbolize the eruption of my innards.

b) No, because the shirt does not make it look enough like her head is on backwards -- although it's close -- and that's the effect for which I strive

c) Yes; by the time the maggots ate their way through that ruffled monstrosity, they'd be too full to nibble on me.

d) Not on your life. Yet again, another person ruins perfectly good shoes with a frightening ensemble. Footwear across the world should rebel immediately.

Fug Quiz II

Donna Karan's dress is:

a) Part of her new couture line, "Brown Baggin'," which will come with purses shaped like bottles of Colt .45

b) An ode to her personal hero, the one who represents who we all are inside: Mr. Snuffleupagus.

c) A fourth-grade class's art project

d) UPS's latest marketing campaign

e) What the bridesmaids will wear when Courtney Peldon gets hitched.

I do love the mysteries of a designer's own closet.

We Got the Fug

Pop quiz! Which is more disturbing:

A) that the paps are taking photos of Haylie Duff even when she's not hanging onto Hilary's arm.

B) that Haylie is wearing a long silk cami circa 2004 layered under a shorter blousier Forever 21 tee circa 2003 layered under a white hoodie circa seventh grade topped off with a tweed newsboy cap circa Sarah Jessica Parker.

C) That I feel like I know her boyfriend from somewhere and I can't figure out if I know him from the teevee or if I know him for reals and if I know him for reals, how the hell can I know someone and not be aware of the fact that he is dating Duff the Lesser?

A Fug's Tale

I don't know why anything that Shannyn Sossamon  does surprises me anymore.

She named her kid Audio Science, for pete's sake.

Jennifer Fugdale

Since we started Go Fug Yourself, we've come across loads of random starlets whose place in the world we haven't yet determined. Courtney Peldon is the most ubiquitous of those, and our most beloved, but of late we've seen quite a bit of somebody we can only deem that most dangerous of breeds: A Peldon wannabe.

Meet Jennifer Tisdale.

What leaps out in this photo first is how monumentally atrocious that dress is. We're pretty sure Anthopologie and Forever 21 stopped selling stretchy drop-waisted tube dresses about a year and a half ago, which may be why Jennifer tried to cover up half of it by skinning the family dog and gluing its fur to a sweatshirt.

But note how Jennifer is sporting bangs and loosely curly blonde hair, a hint of roots, and freckles and Brite Smile gnashers. She's the beaming image of Courtney Peldon: Our Pointless Queen. She and Courtney have also both starred on Undressed and Boston Public. Tisdale even has her own Brown Peldon -- her sister, also Ashley, a.k.a. Smaller Tisdale, who also claims to be an actress and whose IMDb page lists her as "younger sister of Jennifer Tisdale." We've seen that diabolical language before. (We weren't expecting Smaller Tisdale to list, earnestly, that her nickname is "Blondie," but we deeply enjoyed that tidbit nonetheless.)

All of which begs the question: Why Peldon? Why not try and Single White Female somebody with an actual career? Or at least a girl whose notoriety that doesn't involve the words, "Oh, God, there she is again -- how the hell did she get an invitation to this?"

If Jennifer Tisdale starts dating behemoth oaf Jason Davis, we'll know for sure that strange things are afoot at the Circle K. Careful, Peldon Tisdale. We're watching you.

Oh, and also: Scrap the Commune of the Cave Bear look. It's disastrous.

Reiko Fugsworth

In honor of the show on which she used to star, and maybe still does unless her character happens to have a hair appointment that day, here are 24 reasons why I am not wild about the otherwise-charming Reiko Aylesworth's outfit at the Melbourne Cup:

1. The hat looks like the top of a St. Patrick's Day-themed wedding cake.

2. The color scheme, including that of her eye shadow, is Ode to Fungi.

3. In person -- or at least, from behind in line at the ArcLight -- she is tiny and without an ounce on her. And yet here she looks like she's potbellied.

4. That jacket-blouse (blocket? jouse?) is a complete success, if by "success" you mean "ill-fitting instrument of sag." She droops more than Tara Reid in one of her rare vertical outings.

6. It is a tad too lingerie-inspired, as if she should pair it with some marabou slippers and slide around on a chaise-longue with a silver hand mirror and a powder puff.

7. There is no Kiefer Sutherland involved in this outfit. (What? He is one of womankind's best accessories.)

8. See the woman behind her? She's staring at Reiko in judgment. And she has an eruption of pink feathers on her head that looks like a dead flamingo. That's damning.

9. In yet another nod to 24, there's nothing new to see beyond this point -- to get to 24, just repeat the aforementioned items three times in a slightly different mental voice to give the illusion of something new happening.

Chloe Fugigny

Oh dear. Looks like Cinderchloe didn't play by the curfew rules, and her gown shrank back into what it was before -- Granny Sevigny's famous and famously impractical doily flowerpot.

Rachel Fug

Rachel Roy, designer and wife of Damon Dash, is a gorgeous girl.

So why is she wearing....what is this? I mean...what....is it?  She looks like the ruffled paper hats on the top of a rack of lamb.

Molly Fugs

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

You know what? I do get it. I do. If I had to get up every day and go to work with James Caan and the delicious (if confusing in his romantic taste) Josh Duhamel and that divine James Lesure on my hit TV show, and I had modeling contracts on top of that, and life was really pretty good and successful to the point that no one teased me any more about that time I dressed as the green M&M in that commercial... well, then YEAH, I would TOTALLY stop brushing my hair and go around looking like a woeful French waitress-by-night, aerobics-instructor-by-day who is just trying to pay the bills until her hot new painting style, Depressionism, finally starts to make her famous.

I mean... wouldn't you?

Will and Fug

Why must Debra Messing do this to herself?

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

If her lipstick hadn't already blinded me, I'd be wondering why she is punishing her hair in that manner. And why she's wearing a dress that swallows her figure whole. All the plunging neckline shows me is that, yes, she does have skin there; I'm fairly sure her breasts don't actually sag down to her waist, but you never do know. The weight of all those chains must be mighty indeed, and that could be enough to send everything dropping to the floor. Mostly, I just can't get over feeling like she's some evil governess who's been allowed out on the town, but is itching to get home and spank the heck out of those little moppets for putting a fake finger in her stew.

Fug of Arcadia, Part 40: Total Surrender

Oh, dear. I think we've broken Amber Tamblyn's spirit.

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Now, fashion-wise, she had a rough October, I can't deny. Still, I hate to see her flat-out giving up in this manner. I love my hoodies as much as the next girl, but not at a party, and not with brown high-waters and little bow-trimmed black shoes and a purse that looks like her cousin Betty knit it that week she was at jury duty.

We're not intending to pick on you, Amber. We just want to see you happy. Keep at least trying stuff -- that dress you wore to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants premiere was super ugly, remember? And yet you managed to look hot in it, which is why you didn't appear on this site in that particular outfit -- you rocked something that was hideous on its own merits.

So, buck up, little camper. You can do it. Don't hide your light under a velour ball cap.

Harry Potter and the Fuglet of Fire

Little Hermione Granger is turning into a such a pretty young woman. And yes, I realize that statement just added ten years onto my age. But it's true. However, Emma Watson clearly needs a Ginny Weasley in her life, because nobody's BFF would let them leave the house in this:

The dress itself is a little overly complicated -- a bit too "Hey, baby, climb up my trellis" for my taste -- but I can see how a teenage girl at her movie premiere might feel princessy and ethereal in it. But nothing excuses the stumpy flats. She could've looked very graceful and tall and elegant in ANY kind of heel, but instead she looks like she just padded out of her closet screaming, "IF RUPERT HASN'T CUT HIS HAIR I'M NOT GOING, BECAUSE HE IS NOT NOR HAS HE EVER BEEN A MEMBER OF THE MONKEES, SO IF YOU WANT ME THERE YOU WILL HAVE TO DRAG ME OUT OF HERE BY MY HAIR RIGHT THIS SECOND."

And maybe her mother or her agent or manager or whomever did just that, because the other inexplicable and highly preventable tragedy of this outfit is the shoestring headband.

The last time I saw a person with a shoelace tied around his head, it was an old man on Halloween in a bar. With his shoelace headgear, he was wearing those horrible tiny running shorts from the 80s, knee-high socks with his shoes, and a tank top. And while we played a friendly game of pool, Old Man Shoelace suddenly leaned in to me, slurred that he was once the greatest lover a woman could ever hope to find, said he's always known he was an incredibly handsome man and that being good-looking has been something of a tough cross to bear, and shoved his tongue into my ear while growling something I couldn't understand, in part because he was a drunk lunatic and in part because his saliva was obscuring my hearing.

This was not a good Halloween memory. And so Emma Watson is not, perhaps, in the best company here with that shoelace on her head. I would very much like to implore her friends and family to rescue her from Old Man Shoelace's fate. She has a bright future ahead of her. Save her from being an Ear-Tongue Bandit.

MTV Music Awards Fug Carpet: TAtU...

...or however they randomly capitalize their name.

Anyway, remember when TATU [TaTu? TaaaAtuU?] was all like, "Hey, we're underage Russian schoolgirl lesbians! Isn't that HOT?"  I guess that wasn't working for them, since they've changed their look:

Now, they're all like, "Hey, we're one hot overly-tanned, mildly underaged possibly lesbian schoolgirl and one kind of tall buttoned-up corportate publicist-type! Lesbians and publicists! Together again! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Buy our album! Hot!"

Fugliful Stranger

I present to you the cover illustration for Madonna's new children's book, The Velveteen Footman:

The new gentrified Madge continues to fascinate and confuse me. She's half-Joan Collins, half-saucy livery lad.

Although I do think this particular outfit would make the 1980s' jelly-bracelets-and-corsets Madonna a bit less suicidal than, say, English Country Living Esther, she of the horse accident and the tweed suits and the heartwarming kiddie moralizing and the ladylike laughing while strolling her palatial, rough-hewn British back lawn. Because although Madam Ritchie is all into being Ms. Lotsa de Casha, it's occasionally comforting to see that her lotsa de crassa side hasn't completely died.

Random Fug

Dear Jessica Fox, Attendee of The Latin Grammy Awards,

I liked your outfit better the first time, when Chardonnay wore it on Footballers Wive$.  Of course, Chardonnay's suit was white, and her bra top was silver lame. And she didn't wear it to an awards show, she wore it shopping with Tanya Turner, who was, in turn, wearing a Pucci mini-dress and a long, crazy fake blonde ponytail, and then they talked about Chardonnay's baby, who of course isn't actually her baby, but her brother-in-law, and who isn't really even her brother-in-law, but actually a hermaphrodite, but still. I liked it better then.

She also had the good sense to forgo the bow tie. And this is a woman whose boobs burst into flames when the polyester lei she was wearing was ignited by someone who was gesturing too broadly with a lit candelabra.

Fugtory Girl

Every girl has a pair of pants that she just loves. And she wears them all the time. Often, those pants are particularly well-worn jeans, or a really great pair of trousers, or even a trusty set of cargo pants (Jennifer Aniston, I mean you). For Sienna "People felt sorry for me for a while, but now they're sort of starting to think they shouldn't have felt so bad for me after all, seeing as how there are now rumors that I cheated on Jude with both Daniel Craig and Sean Penn and now there's that whole thing about how Leonardo DiCaprio might have left Giselle for me, maybe, and when you think about it, seriously, maybe Jude and I are sort of perfect for each other and should probably just try having some kind of open relationship or something because that would probably work for us since neither of us seems to be predisposed to monogamy and maybe that's okay as long as we have an arrangement and no one throws her engagement ring at anyone while sobbing that she's been betrayed when really she's been betraying people all over town, too, and shouldn't we really be embracing these similarities in our personalities rather than fighting them?" Miller, whose favorite pair of pants are...

...capri-length leggings. Wear them to get the papers, with a bowler! Wear them to parties with a kicky head scarf! Wear them all over town! Pretend it's really great style sense, when really, it's just being TOO LAZY TO CHANGE YOUR PANTS.

Courtney Peldon: Fug or Treat

You've asked for it, and we at GFY are nothing if not attentive to your Peldon needs. So with that, we present to you what we sincerely hope is the photo on Courtney Peldon and Crispin Glover's wedding announcement someday, but which, for now, is simply a record of how this odd couple spent their Halloween:

Can you imagine the union of The Ubiquitous Peldon and crazy Crispin Glover We can see it now:

"Together with their publicists, agents, Bob from Aahs!!, possibly their parents, and the makers of Lithium, COURTNEY PELDON, sister of The Brown One, and CRISPIN GLOVER, who will not get his damn hands off her, invite you to share  in the joy of their marriage -- a union which not only unites one man with his soul's density, but two fine resumes that include: her notable work in Home Improvement, That Movie In Which She Was Accidentally Stabbed For Real, and Jason Davis's bedroom; and his Back To The Future turns as well as that rat movie, and his appearance as a hair-sniffing glassy-eyed head case -- so, as himself -- in Charlie's Angels. The ceremony will be held on the red carpet in front of the Kodak Theater while everyone is inside at the Oscars (so come promptly, because they'll be packing it up during the vows), and the reception will immediately follow at whichever after-party they can successfully crash.

The couple is registered at Trashy Lingerie, Nobu, Sephora, and the Kaiser Permanente 24-Hour Pharmacy (West Los Angeles location). RSVP within four weeks, by carrier pigeon deployed to any event with a gift bag. It will find her."

Alanis Fugisette

Even throughout her confusing career metamorphosis from bubblegum pop princess to embittered rocker to Zen Earth mother to schmoopy, engaged balladeer, Alanis Morrisette has usually managed to maintain something edgy about her appearance.

Until now.

She looks like Demi Moore circa 1987, if she'd been cast as Billie Jean King in a CBS Miniseries Event. And that is not acceptable. The Alanis Morrissette who deep-throated Dave Coulier in the back of a theater -- and then sang about it right before she misinformed an entire generation about the definition of "irony" -- would hate Alanis Jean King, her bangs, and her wilting perm. Last decade's Alanis would punch this one in the mouth and snap her glasses in two, and then use the shards as a sex toy. We certainly didn't sit through the angry phase, the walking-naked-in-traffic-with-only-her-hair-over-her-bits era, and the hostage-crisis dress just to end up here. Not in that dowdy jacket.

[I would ask  her hot fiance Ryan Reynolds to have a word with her, were he not wearing the facial hair and fatigued expression of a 32-year old calculus professor who can't figure out how, precisely, his young life is already so boring that he writes his own word problems for sport. He doesn't seem to be in any mood or position to tell his betrothed that even the ladies from Heart abandoned that haircut.]

In sum: Alanis, we're very happy you're happy, and going to hockey games, and banging somebody who doesn't ape Bullwinkle for profit. But think how much sweeter it would all be with a better coif, and without one of your father's suit jackets.

Desperfug Housefugs

Well, well, well.

What have we here? The dress is very pretty -- it's a little bridesmaidal, sure, but the color is very flattering and I love the hem. And the shoes? The shoes are cute. But....the hat. Or...the ribbon. Or the....whatever the thing is she's got on her head.  Oy.

I know she was at a derby, and people wear fancy hats at a derby and I am not only fine with that, I love it. A good hat! A good hat is divine! A good hat is more fun than a pony keg at a tailgate!

But this is not a good hat. I'm not even sure it's technically a hat. It does, however, look like something Eva Longoria may have stolen from Minnie Mouse's milliner. In fact, Eva Longoria sort of even looks like Minne Mouse. No, seriously:

And considering the fact that ABC is owned by Disney, and I've never seen the two of them in the same room together....well, frankly, I am sort of freaking myself out now.