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November 09, 2005

Reiko Fugsworth

In honor of the show on which she used to star, and maybe still does unless her character happens to have a hair appointment that day, here are 24 reasons why I am not wild about the otherwise-charming Reiko Aylesworth's outfit at the Melbourne Cup:

1. The hat looks like the top of a St. Patrick's Day-themed wedding cake.

2. The color scheme, including that of her eye shadow, is Ode to Fungi.

3. In person -- or at least, from behind in line at the ArcLight -- she is tiny and without an ounce on her. And yet here she looks like she's potbellied.

4. That jacket-blouse (blocket? jouse?) is a complete success, if by "success" you mean "ill-fitting instrument of sag." She droops more than Tara Reid in one of her rare vertical outings.

6. It is a tad too lingerie-inspired, as if she should pair it with some marabou slippers and slide around on a chaise-longue with a silver hand mirror and a powder puff.

7. There is no Kiefer Sutherland involved in this outfit. (What? He is one of womankind's best accessories.)

8. See the woman behind her? She's staring at Reiko in judgment. And she has an eruption of pink feathers on her head that looks like a dead flamingo. That's damning.

9. In yet another nod to 24, there's nothing new to see beyond this point -- to get to 24, just repeat the aforementioned items three times in a slightly different mental voice to give the illusion of something new happening.

Posted by Heather at 09:09 AM | Permalink


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