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February 03, 2006

Fugela Anderson

I'm developing a new theory: that Dolly Parton is an enterprise run almost identically to that of the Dread Pirate Roberts. So when the Dolly Parton we know grows weary and decides to retire, she identifies a replacement who will seamlessly merge into the life of Dolly Parton and carry on the Dolly Parton name and brand, as if nothing had ever happened. That way, Dolly is ageless and lives forever, and people will never have to know what a dark and woeful place the world would be without her and that hair, and the breasts that unwittingly prepared a nation to cope better with Anna Nicole Smith.

The aforementioned harebrained theory came to be after I saw a photo of a woman I believe is en route to becoming the new Dread Pirate Parton: Pamela Anderson.

I know Pammy's always had some serious flotation aids up there (except for the brief period in which she had them removed), but... the chest, people. The chest. Is it just me, or are they inflating? They look more dominant, somehow. More ready to take over a C&W empire and matching theme park.

Interestingly, the non-cleavage portions of this ensemble are actually sort of classy. So yeah, Pammy will have to tacky up a dress like this a tad, and her makeup is too subtle (never thought I'd say that about Pamela Anderson). But on the whole, one can see why she might be in line to step into the Partoncy. Dolly would be proud. And probably is proud, because she's in the process of picking out all the hairspray, lipstick, and cowboy boots Pamela Anderson could ever need in order to fully assume her destiny. Whenever that day comes.

Posted by Heather at 02:17 PM | Permalink


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