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February 23, 2006

Thandie Fugton

Sigh. Thandie Newton is so pretty. And yet....

And yet she is wearing what appears to be a failed design from a Project Runway challenge -- one demanding that the designers construct a wedding gown from toilet paper in homage to bridal showers throughout time. I can just see GFY Crush of the Year, the fantastic Tim Gunn, wandering into the workroom, looking over this monstrosity, shaking his head and saying, "I am a bit concerned about where this is going." And then of course the stupid stupid designer would ignore him -- not realizing how valuable Tim Gunn's advice is, and also not realizing that I wish every week that I could just have Tim Gunn tell me what to do with, like, my personal problems, because he's so nice and yet still constructive -- and send this thing down the runway, and Michael Kors would say something about a Kleenex factory exploding, and Nina Garcia would say something about it being "editorial," and the designer would perk up only to deflate when she adds, "but it's way too ugly for an actual bride," and the guest judge would say something polite that means "ew," and then Heidi Klum would look gorgeous and serene and cheerful and then announce that she hates it. So, auf wiedersehen, Thandie. You look like a meringue as invisioned by the Scott Tissue company. And the throw rug doesn't help.

At least you're still very, very pretty.

Posted by Jessica at 06:28 AM | Permalink

 

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