A Fugly Home Companion

Oh, don't look so pleased with yourself, Skeletor. You're lucky we decided not to run the photo where your right breast is full-on exposed because the dress is tenting itself around your bony, awkwardly posed frame.

Remember when we gave you credit for looking better and healthier? We rescind that. The other day, we saw a guy use one of your arms to pick his teeth after a meal. That was the closest you've likely been to food in six weeks. Put things -- other than boy meat, please -- in your MOUTH, honey, not in the opening just to the north.