No rivalry -- sorry, Paris and Nicole/Paris and Mischa/Paris and anyone who's ever met her and isn't related to her by blood -- is as delicious to me as that of competing glamour models and former Page Three girls Jodie Marsh and Jordan.
They are insane -- both insanely surgically enhanced, both massive exhibitionists, both prone to high-profile relationships with singer and footballers. Jordan -- she of the finger cancer and the adorable baby who was born blind, which momentarily endeared her to a public previously frightened of her -- even ran for something in the 2001 General Election with the slogan "For A Bigger And Betta Future," and got 713 votes by promising, according to Wikipedia, "free breast implants, increases on nudist beaches, and a ban on parking tickets."
Jodie Marsh is not nearly as fascinating -- though she did score a 136 on a televised IQ test right before booted out of 2006's Big Brother house for being an alleged bully -- but she apparently loves catfighting with models. Again according to Wikipedia, when Jordan likened Marsh's nose to "a builder's elbow" and her breasts to "a spaniel's ears," Jodie fought back only by noting that Jordan's nose is "hooked like a witch's."
None of this has daunted either of them. Certainly Jodie has not turned self-conscious about her spaniel's ears:
The effect of the sheer shirt is somewhat negated by our little censorship stamp -- apologies to Conan O'Brien for the fact that we borrowed it from an old sketch of his (we think) -- but suffice to say her blinding high-beams were most certainly switched on. Despite being sort of horrified, I also kind of have to love a girl whose idea of dressing up is to wear pants with her tissue-thin transparent shirt. She's nighttime-soap fascinating. Wouldn't you love to cast her in some sort of Dynasty II: The Nastying?
Now, if only we could get her locked into a dramatic feud Stateside. I'm sure she'd hate Paris...