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March 28, 2006

Fuggifer Aniston

Dear Jennifer Aniston:

Message received loud and clear: You're healthy, you're happy, your womb is most certainly open for business, you're knew all along that your last two films were crap, you most certainly are NOT co-dependent on Courteney Cox, you seriously had no idea Victor Kiriakis was alive all that time in New Salem and you aren't sure when he's going to get a story of his own on Days, you had no idea Joey was still even on the air, you're pretty sure the perpetually unemployed David Schwimmer is pitching a Friends spinoff sitcom entitled JuRossic Park in which his paleontologist character dabbles in science with hilarious and hungry results, and you really, really, REALLY don't want us to make you our victim.

So, fine, we won't -- well, at least not of anything except fashion.

That ruffle looks like hormone therapy gone horribly, horribly wrong.

And WEAR A COLOR, for the LOVE of GOD. This is getting thoroughly predictable and boring. The last time you were out in a dress that was anything other than black, at least as far as I can research, was October, and that dress was in the boring-beige family. Going back from there, it's all black until I hit the 2004 Emmys, when you wore the white and gold strapless number.

That is a long time without color. And you wonder why we think you're depressed all the time. EXPERIMENT, Jen. Liven things up a little. Dare to dream! Challenge yourself to step into the wild that is navy blue! Shock yourself by exploring purple! Go on walkabout in the perilous Australian Outback that is green! Don't turn your back on the world!

... No, Jen, I was serious about that last thing. Don't turn your back. Because that thing is really unflattering from that angle. Is it poorly made, or just ugly?



Posted by Heather at 10:38 AM | Permalink


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