If Fug Is A DJ

Oh, Pink. I hate it when we fight.

This shirt is not you. This shirt is Britney Spears lashing out at the press. This shirt is Lindsay Lohan hanging out with her regular friends, just trying to make sure everyone knows she is edgy and baaaaaaaad and anti-The Man even though sometimes, if the club is dark enough and the guy has been in enough action movies, she will consider secretly pleasuring The Man and pretending not to notice that he is texting his friends about it while it happens. This shirt is Avril Lavigne back when she wore ties and wrinkled her brow a lot and thought that a permanent scowl meant she was Alternative. This shirt is definitely Jessica Simpson on the way to another outing with her hairdresser, miffed that he is pretty much her only friend in the world and thinking erroneously that she is being clever in allowing the occasional dark moment to penetrate publicly her perky facade. In short, the shirt is Stupid Rebellion.

You married a Motocross boy. You have a funky aloof-bisexual vibe. You were the welcome balance between frightening Lil' Kim and vampy Christina Aguilera in that "Lady Marmelade" video a while ago, and outdid both of them. And you have a really scary pelvis. You have a fairly legitimate claim to badassery, basically, which makes the overtness of the sweatshirt rather sad.

I think I actually miss the split-pea-soup poncho. Good lord, Pink, look what you've done to me.

PS: I do, however, sort of love that your hair matches Gwen Stefani's wedding dress.