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April 26, 2006

Fugging Impossible III

Intern George has so many good qualities. He gives great foot rubs, of course. And he's very pretty, naturally. And urbane. And he's very smart.  He's also even more obsessed with the Tom Cruise Reign of PR Terror than we are. But best of all, he has a Celebrity Mindreader on speed dial.  So, this morning, while he was flipping through our photos sources -- topless, natch -- and came across the following, he offered to give her a call. I think you'll agree that the accuracy of her work is peerless:

From left to right:

Maggie Q: "Just don't look at him. If you don't look at him, he can't hurt you."

Simon Pegg: "I'm so uncomfortable right now. Why is he HERE? Shouldn't he be home with his baby?  I wonder if this shirt makes me look washed out. I bet it does. JESUS HE MAKES ME SO NERVOUS."

JJ Abrams: "I'm not even going to face toward him. I can't believe that asshat ruined my movie before it even came out.  I wish Jack Bristow was real. Jack Bristow would KICK TOM CRUISE'S ASS SO HARD.  And then Lena Olin would show up and HELP HIM. They'd TORTURE THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. MAN. I'm just going to write that scene for my own amusement.  Shit, does that mean I'm writing fanfic? Not if no one finds out about it, right? I can't believe he's here. He told me he wasn't coming. Jesus. How did this all go so wrong?"

Michelle Monaghan: "I wonder if I can just really subtlely back away from him. Do you think he notices how much I look like Katie Holmes? But he would never confuse us, would he? No, of course not. God, maybe I should pretend to be sick and just lock myself in my room."

Tom Cruise: "I TRIMMED MY BANGS WITH A FLOWBIE!"

Keri Russell: "Way to totally eff up my big blockbuster summer movie role, MAVERICK. I hate your stupid fucking girl bangs. I can't even look at you."

Jonathan Rhys Meyers: "Well, this is awkward."

Posted by Jessica at 02:47 PM | Permalink

 

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