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May 23, 2006

Fugly's Reasons Why Not

I realize that Heather Graham is, well, Heather Graham. And that I should show her mercy, because being one of the worst parts of a relatively well-liked movie trilogy like Austin Powers -- and in a role that should have been hard to screw up -- is a tough cross to bear, as is the spectacular failure of her terrible ABC sitcom that bombed despite a marketing campaign so pervasive they all but silkscreened the billboards to my pillowcases. [Cue the headlines: Emily's Reasaons Why Not ... To Watch This Show.]

At any rate, that and the fact that she wore the following to a Diesel event -- and was therefore probably asked to wear it -- almost rescued her from appearing on this page.

Almost.

Even if she was asked to wear that monstrosity, it's she who said yes, and she who slipped it on, and she who posed for photos instead of hiding herself behind the nearest clothing rack; ergo, it's she who bears the responsibility. Not that she doesn't have the figure to pull it off -- she is divinely curvy here -- but because thing is truly stupid.

For a moment I thought perhaps she had it on backwards, and that the bizarre pelvic flap was in fact supposed to go over her derriere, in some sort of risky and strange homage to the bathroom escape hatch in footie pajamas. That wouldn't have made it any better, certainly, but at least more readily explicable. As it is, we just have to sit back and sigh at the quadra-boob it's giving her as she strains against that hastily tied black ribbon -- a tenuous yoke on which her last gasp of modesty relies.

... Man. Seriously? I can't get over it: That is a supremely fugly, fugly crime against denim. I believe the wife of the mayor of Fugtopia wore that to his inauguration.

Posted by Heather at 12:39 PM | Permalink

 

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