June 01, 2006
Fug York Minute
As we've all learned from soap operas, if you've got a set of twins, there is always a good twin, and a bad -- occasionally even evil -- twin. This is just how it works. And the rule applies doubly when it comes to fashion -- there's the twin who generally looks good, and then the twin that usually ends up looking like an ass. Take Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield. Jessica Wakefield had the cute striped bikini and flirty skirts and sassy little wedges. Elizabeth Wakefield had pleated pants belted right under her armpits and a pullover with snowflakes all over it and dock shoes. Or Brandon and Brenda Walsh -- which is admittedly a tough call, thanks to the gender difference. However, despite Brenda's unfortunate tendency toward wearing a man's tie over her bodysuit, Brandon often looked like he was raiding Jim Walsh's closet and his coiffure seemed, at times, to be doing its best impression of a rogue wave, which doesn't work unless you've got Luke Perry's face under there. So we're giving the Ass Award to Brandon (also because no one rocked the Peach Pit uniform like Brenda As Laverne, and because Brandon was kind of a douchebag). And then, of course, you've got the Olsen twins. Mary Kate mostly looks like she just rolled out of the back of a dumpster, while Ashley -- we thought -- had mastered the art of looking unusual, but also chic and, you know, clean.
Oh, ASH. Where did it all go so terribly wrong? Please tell us this is some kind of Twins Switching Places tomfoolery, or that you and Mary Kate have had your brain switched by Dr Drake Ramoray in order to continue getting complex carbohydrates into M-K's body, or that you've become a Method actress and this outfit is for a role as a crazy, blond old lady. Just don't tell us you think this looks good.