June 21, 2006
Fuglier By The Dozen
Sigh. And Hilary Duff had been doing so well lately, too:
Although her shoes are making me twitch a little, Haylie looks quite nice.
Hilary, however, looks like she just finished a marathon of the 90210 episodes in which Brenda and Donna spend the summer in Paris, and while David is back home warbling "You Are So Precious To Me" at some new girl in high-rise ankle-baring pants, Donna learns to smoke and briefly takes up modeling with a lascivious French manager. And with Dylan and Kelly back home cuddling on the beach to Sophie B. Hawkins tunes and Brandon busying himself by dating a bigot, Brenda runs around judging Donna and then faking a bad French accent, because she met Reeeeeeek (Dean Cain) and wants him to think she is an exotic Parisienne depsite the fact that they are IN FRANCE and NONE of the other French people speaking English sound like Brenda does.
And while I completely advocate spending time with that slate of episodes ("Not all black people have rhythm, and not all Jewish people have money," Brandon haughtily sniffs at Brooke The Bigot, after she has implied that Andrea Zuckerman sounds like she ought to be loaded; "You remind me of George Michael," New Girl purrs at a squeaky, convulsive and inordinately baggy David Silver, who oozes hapless virginity), I do not advocate crafting a personal style from them.
I mean... a spandex off-the-shoulder minidress? A newsboy? Leggings that tuck into her shoes, yearning to live the dream of being stirrup pants? I think not, Hil. As beautiful as it was, 90210 is a moment in time. Let it be.
And, to Aaron Spelling, who reportedly had a stroke last weekend: We hope our dream of an all-Spelling, all-the-time network is soon fulfilled, because sir, you have made some genius television. (We'll ignore 7th Heaven, Aaron -- we know you didn't mean to inflict that nightmare on us, or for so long.) You have a lot to be proud of, especially if it's true that you disapprove of Tori's new tattoo mannequin, and we hope flights of angels that look like Joan Collins sing you back to good health.