July 19, 2006
Celebrity Terror Watch: Carson Daly
It's almost impossible to have missed the photo of Carson Daly that's been going around, wherein he looks aged and skeletal; indeed, unless you live under a rock, or your first name begins with "S" and rhymes with "fury booze," you've probably already been suitably alarmed by it.
Still, we couldn't resist.
Good for Carson for getting himself in shape at a relatively normal speed, but this photo makes me think he's crossed the line into obsession and become a hungry, wan shell. Remember on Seinfeld when Kramer sunbathed in butter, and the smell of crispy flesh piqued Newman's salivary glands such that he started seeing Kramer's head atop the body of a golden-roasted turkey, and became ravenous? That look in Newman's eye has been born again in Carson's. Something is not quite right with the way he's sucking on his lips, as if willing himself not to lick them out of bloodlust for the delicious, meaty, protein-laden photographer who is snapping the shot.
"You've already had your solid for the day, Carson," he is chanting to himself, right hand twitching toward the yellow rubber Live Strong bracelet that acts as his talisman. "Don't even THINK about how he would taste with a pot of lobster bearnaise, and a loaded baked potato... some buttered green beans... hot rolls... Oh, yummy, this man is MINE -- wait, NO! Shake it off, soldier! STAY ALIVE! A Zone bar WILL find you!"