Fugga Khan

Oh, Chaka. I feel for you.

1. It's summer. It's hot outside. That is not the time to dress as a grieving sofa.

2. Why is your skirt made of chain mail?

3. And why isn't it made of thicker chain mail? I think I spy with my little eye something beginning with "c" and ending in "amel toe," and it's all thanks to your joyless tights.

4. Sweet fancy pants, I'm sweating just looking at you -- how are you not splayed out on the red carpet in a sweaty, delirious state of heatstroke?

5. Somewhere, the gay Musketeer is sobbing, because his boots have been stolen.