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August 22, 2006

Charlize Fugron

First, let me say that I love Charlize's shoes. But I'm distressed that she's moved into body-hugging, stretchy faux-lace, the likes of which 1980s Madonna eyeball with a sneer and then dismiss immediately as "too obvious, too tacky."

But most gravely, this stretchy sheath very nearly caused us to put out an APB on her nipples. Not because we hoped to see her nipples -- indeed, if the freezing-cold sets of Friends taught us anything, it's that sometimes we really don't need proof of nip at every opportunity -- but because, well, where would they be here? Shouldn't they be... somewhere? The imprisoning cut mangles her chest, so could they be smooshed under the black bar? But isn't that awfully low for her nipples? And isn't it too early to fly south for the winter?

After a good long time of staring and gaping and wincing, we finally realized that the nude liner goes all the way up into a bra-shaped top, and is just very well hidden to the point of being fear-inducing. So her nipples probably are safe, and in the right place. But chalk that whole debate up as a monstrous negative against this dress, which is officially doing her chest zero justice. At all. Any dress that draws stares of abject brow-furrowed concern about the freakish absence or unnatural drift of your nipples is not, I would suggest, a good dress.

Posted by Heather at 12:30 PM | Permalink


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