Emmy Fug Carpet: Simon Cowell

Oh my God, dude, put it away:

What would you say about you, if you were me? I feel like we'd get a little, "No one needs to see that," and a bit of, "look, I'm sorry: it's just not working for me at all. Horrendous. Horrendous," and then maybe an unfunny gay joke about La Seacrest, and then a barb about the 70s and/or Burt Reynolds. Not even Paula could find something nice to say about this. Nonsensical, yes. But not nice.