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August 15, 2006

Random Fug: Fug Brother UK

Big Brother in the UK ought to be a lot more watchable -- I mean, any show whose Web site features the summary, "The housemates just aren't satisfied with the amount of booze" they were given in exchange for writing and performing BB: The Musical REALLY ought to be a brilliant show.

But, for one thing, it's ages and ages of what seems like uncut footage, which to a child of spit-shined U.S. reality TV like me becomes awfully interminable when you're asked to witness five plodding, paceless, unedited minutes of diary-room action. Not to mention the part of one of the episodes I saw in which the adenoids-blessed narrator helpfully filled us in on what little the housemates had been doing: "Pete has been sleeping in the bedroom for 20 minutes. [Pause to watch.] Nikki has been sitting quietly in the garden for 36 minutes. [She gazes vacantly into space.] Richard has been nowhere for 12 minutes. [Pause to show him decidedly somewhere, but staring at a wall.] Imogen has been sleeping in the living room for 45 minutes..."

You might be pleased to know that Imogen woke up.

Woke up, but opted not to shirt up (apt, considering there is a porn video circulating that claims to feature her). That is not so much a viable garment as it is an abdominal sheath.

I wonder how Jesus would feel about the fact that she is furiously exposing herself, all in the name of having enough chest space to accommodate the enormous cross hanging around her neck. If you believe my somewhat sacreligious Sunday-School teacher from my grade eight pre-Confirmation classes, Jesus would have loved this, because he was always a party animal and the first one out on the dance floor with the whores (I'm not kidding -- he said that). But I prefer to believe that Jesus would a) have bristled at the unflattering cut of her bra, because it doesn't give enough love to the female form his father busted His ass to create, and b) resented giving a cross the same genre and acreage of real-estate one would afford some $0.50 Mardi Gras beads, in part J.C. knows how people come by Mardi Gras beads and I really don't think he dug the word "tits" or "titties," which goes to show that Jesus is/was a smart guy indeed, as I know no woman who finds "titties" adorable or charming.

My point? Well... I hate what she's wearing, really. Isn't that enough?

Posted by Heather at 12:44 PM in Random Fug | Permalink


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