August 14, 2006
Mrs. Fugney Glover...?
Lest you be wondering, yes, the world is still turning properly on its axis, and I've got the photographic proof: Courtney Peldon, alive, well, and fuggin' it up, the way Mother Nature intended.
She is a delight, showing up in a shirt that doesn't even come close to fitting her. I guess that's what happens when you try at 25 to wear the same clothes you wore when you were 10 and thought you looked so grown-up in your fake pearls and pseudo-satin shirt, which you wore because your director on Harry and the Hendersons was your childhood crush Scott Baio, who was so convincingly and dreamily in charge for half of the 80s. ["I want Charles in charge of me," she would weep to her sister as her tears blurred the "Mrs. Courtney Baio" doodles on her Trapper-Keeper.] But, seriously, it's like she found this in her closet, finally rinsed out the leftover cologne smell that she's sworn she would never wash away until they got married, and donned it -- never once actually looking at how poorly it sits on her torso. You can tell by the hem -- low in the back, higher in the front because it's bunching on her breasts and straining to fit them. So what she imagines as a flirty, jaunty little exposure of navel and waxed pelvis is actually just a mistake.
And, not to stir up scandal -- but, Us Weekly won't, so I will: Check out the status of her left-hand ring finger. Last we saw, she was sporting Crispin Glover's engagement ring, but here, her finger is as naked as her abdomen. What gives, CP? Did you clean it and forget to put it back on? Did you loan it to Brown, and she lost it down the back of the couch? Did you pawn it for that prize breeding rat he so coveted, only to find out Crispin sold the rat to buy you some hair extensions? Please tell us your perfect union hasn't faltered, because we were really looking forward to your wedding dress, and to the arrival of wee baby Crispney.
And also... if that's what you chose to wear on your big night out back on the singles scene, then you need more help than we originally thought.