August 30, 2006
The Black Fuglia
Scarlett Johansson can be so, so lovely.
Look at that! A hair color that's gently honeyed rather than a severe bleached blond, and sexy, soft makeup that's finally taken her away from the kind of red lipstick that naughty night vixens use to scrawl threatening messages on the mirrors of their more stingy customers.
Unfortunately, once we pull out of the closeup, things get a trifle more problematic.
The zig-zag shirt looks like the kind of cross-stitch canvas an eight-year old picks up to learn the basics, and those shorts -- those billowing, poofy shorts! -- are so wide that they're practically direct descendents of The Insidious Culotte, and first cousins to that pernicious little villain The Skort.
It's so bizarre to see ScarJo fall victim to the Newport News catalogue's vicious style propaganda. I would expect this kind of behavior from a Peldon. Or even from a Tisdale, who lives to look like a twelve-year old circa 1986; seriously, I am almost positive I owned ScarJo's shorts back when we were all too blinded by John Hughes and My Two Dads to know any better. But now we should know better. And we should certainly know better when we are in Venice, Italy, for a major film festival at which it's probably better not to look like you just came from back-to-school shopping at Wal-Mart, your brand new Playtex Cross-Your-Heart bra peeking through the pastel horror.