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August 21, 2006

Teen Choice Awards: Mischa Barton

Last night, at the Teen Choice Awards, Mischa Barton represented the best and the worst of what her own closet had to offer.

On the red carpet, she was quite simply adorable:

I covet this dress. I COVET IT.  It's so simple, but it's so flattering -- hello, I think her legs are as long as my ENTIRE BODY -- and best of all, it looks so easy. I don't mean "easy" in the sense of, "Stay away from that Mischa Barton, Janie! Everyone knows she's easy, and I don't want you running around with her! She's pretty enough to be able to shake off that kind of reputation and still make a good marriage, but you? Not you. You must keep your image sparklingly pure!"  I mean it in the sense of, "Oh, this old thing? I totally forgot I had it until today. It's cute, right? I just naturally look this fantastic without putting in any work at all."  Which is perfect for the event. It's totally effortless.

(Unlike THIS particular get-up:

Why doesn't she just make a sign that says, "REMEMBER WHEN I TALKED ABOUT BEING A VIRGIN AND EVERYONE LIKED ME? LET'S GO BACK TO THAT." I hate to say it -- honestly -- because I sort of get what she was going for with this, but, as sad as it is, this dress is too young for the J. Simp. of 2006. She's a grown woman, not the prom queen.  This frock would be lovely on someone younger, like Jo Jo, or maybe someone very very petite and elfin, like Natalie Portman. If it were an inch longer, or another color, we'd be singing another tune. But as it is -- short, white, vaguely bridal -- it just looks like she's wearing something she's outgrown, something she last tried on four years and one marriage ago.  It just doesn't work.)

And speaking of not working:

MISCHA! Why did you change? That thing appears to be eating your face.

Posted by Jessica at 12:03 PM in Misc. Awards Shows, Mischa Barton | Permalink

 

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