August 07, 2006
Wow, That Was Fast: A Refugging of Tara Reid
The Lord giveth, and then He taketh away.
Tara Reid should probably have that tattooed onto her pelvis. Not only is it an apt statement for her life in general, but she also wasted no time in undoing the gracious -- albeit skeptical -- unfugging bestowed upon her on Friday:
One thing that was givethed that He should have takethed away from her hot little spray-tanned hand was the Manic Flowbee of Terror she borrowed from Tom Cruise, and apparently refuses to give back. Now more now than ever, Tara Reid's hair looks like half of it was ripped out at the root in a horrific head-Hoovering accident, which clearly has left her dazed and unable to focus her eyes. It also has pulled up the right side of her face into an eternal stunned smirk. (Who knew Flowbees could do this? If she'd just done the other side, BOOM! Instant Botox, without the needles. Nicole Kidman-Cruise-Urban must be dying that she didn't think to extort this thing in the divorce.)
Alas, though, Tara's problems don't stop with her wan mane. Poor little Nips Akimbo, Child of Chestal Tragedy, has chosen yet another shirt that not only emphasizes the mesmerizingly shameful work of her plastic surgeon -- seriously, when he put in her implants, did he use ACTUAL sandbags? -- but which is also just sort of inexplicable. I'm not sure what those shoulder flaps are, but the way they drape on her shoulders looks like the shirt is pressing down on her, giving her a weird slouchy look that only enhances the fact that her expensive mounds of hell are already flying south for the winter.
Tara, Tara, Tara.