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October 30, 2006

Efugabeth Mitchell

Further adventures in misguided belting, courtesy of Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell:

I stared at this photo for several minutes before coming to the following conclusions:

1) However lovely her legs are, that dress is too short. She looks like she's trying to gain entry into the Hilton clan.

2) The belt makes the black strip of fabric above it look totally misplaced on the dress, awkwardly spaced between the others to the point that it chokes up on her breasts unflatteringly. For a moment I thought it was gaffer tape.

3) Indeed, the random deployment of belts is never appropriate, no matter how terribly trendy it is, because when done incorrectly all you can see is the belt itself. Here, it looms terrifying, like a red-wine stain on your parents' couch: large, ugly, and impossible to pretend doesn't exist or didn't happen.

4) She could play the sister of Ellen Pompeo and Renee Zellweger, should there ever be a movie that requires such a triumverate; however, considering that the last three-sisters flick I can recall was Hanging Up -- an egregious malfunction of cinema involving Meg Ryan, Diane Keaton, and Lisa Kudrow -- let's hope this doesn't come to pass because the precedent is not encouraging.

4) It bears repeating: Careless belting is just another form of self-abuse. Don't let this happen to you.

Posted by Heather at 01:26 PM | Permalink


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