October 31, 2006
Anatomy of a Fug: Part One
[Obligatory bit about Halle Berry's great beauty here.] [Sentence about her ability to look at least marginally hot in even a potato sack here.] [Wry comment re: fact that one could look marginally hot in a potato sack does not mean it would be a good idea to actually WEAR ONE here].
[Insert photo here:
[Note that you've come back to this photo seven or eight times, and been underwhelmed by it each time, despite the fact that you suspect you're supposed to think it's okay here.] [Wonder to self what exactly is wrong with this look, as you drink a Diet Coke and flip through the Sky Mall catalog you stole the last time you flew. Wonder if you need a giant glass table with a ceramic sculpted Sumo wrestler as a base. Or maybe a hot dog bun warmer. Do NOT note this interlude on site.] [Suggest that maybe she's just TOO SHINY here.][Think about how the fabric of this dress reminds you of the rad shiny foil wallpaper in your friend Jennifer's guest bathroom in 1988. Don't note this either, in case it makes you sad about how you probably can't buy shiny foil wallpaper anymore, and how you'll never have the guest bathroom of your 7th grade dreams after all. Does this also mean that you will never be Mrs. Kirk Cameron? A fate too tragic to continue to consider.] [Wonder what would happen if Halle caught that really long sleeve in the car door/if she's able to eat a meal without getting sauce all over that really long sleeve/if that really long sleeve would, at least, lend itself to making super dramatic entrances and exits here.] [Consider noting that she looks hot from the clavicle up; reject this as being too nice.] [Pithy ending here, perhaps using the words "disco," "Xanadu," "Olivia Newton John's knickers," or some combination thereof here.] [Call Sky Mall about hot dog bun warmer.]
Posted by Jessica at 09:45 AM | Permalink