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October 26, 2006

Mary-Fug Olsen

Every so often in a girl's life, she goes out and she stays there too late. We here at GFY like to call that experience "college." And also, "The summer of 2003." But let's focus on the college part.

Harken back to the time you, say, went to a dance or a formal party in a cute dress, stayed out all night, did a few kegstands -- just like God intended -- and crashed out on somebody's couch because you didn't want to drive home, and also, you just sort of accidentally fell asleep on it. Then you woke up the next morning cloaked in the clammy chill of beer sweat, your hair so stringy and greasy from the evening's exertions that you could wring it out and fry a chicken. You had to get home. You had a paper due, maybe, or you just desperately wanted to rinse off in the comfort of your own shower shoes. But, what to do? Put back on the dress you wore last night, screaming to everyone that you're skulking home from an all-night rager? Or try to concoct a semi-plausible alternative -- say, by borrowing a flannel from one of the people who lives where you crashed, keeping the tights and shoes on under it, rolling up your dress and putting it in a shopping bag, and hoping that if you walk with enough assertiveness the whole thing will pass for trendy?

The answer, of course, is both. And neither. Because the thing is, it doesn't really matter what you do -- it's hard to hide a Walk Of Shame. It always emanates from you, to the infinite amusement of everyone who saw you that morning in college staggering back to the dorm with a nonchalant expression on your face, or wobbling through the dining-hall waffle line in boxers and heels.

But what I want to know is, why recreate Walk Of Shame couture as some sort of fashion statement? Why would you want to look like yesterday's Beer Pong tournament?

Unless this actually is a walk of shame, in which case... well played, Mary-Kate. Way to embrace college even if you're not attending it any more. But next time, may I suggest a hat? And perhaps fashioning a skirt out of some dishtowels?

Posted by Heather at 10:58 AM in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen | Permalink

 

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