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October 25, 2006

Random Fug: Our Future Employees

Sometimes I think of the celebrity world as a carnival of fug. And then I start to daydream about starting a real Fug Carnival -- we'd hire somebody like Scarlett Johansson to run a roller-coaster ride evocative of her own up and down relationship with clothes; Jessica and Assica Simpson and their incredibly changing body shapes/faces would of course man the Fun House and all its manipulative mirrors; Fergie would run around as the bearded lady; Paris Hilton would be at the kissing booth, where you get a free antibiotic with each slip of the tongue; and we'd force K-Fed and Britney to sit in the dunk tank because that's the only way to guarantee that they get a real bath.

And then, I found this photo that inspired me to add a scary "It's A Fug World After All" ride -- even more terrifying than the original -- wherein you sail through a little waterway (made of vodka) and creepy dolls sing at you from the land on either side, telling you all about what's awful in celebrity fashion.

These are those dolls.

Imagine it: These two ladies in their frightening outfits, surrounded by a passel of crazy dolls and celebrity lookalikes waving spookily at you underneath some flags adorned with the faces of, say, people like Tina Knowles and Rachel Zoe, while all sing...

It's a world of leggings
A world of Crocs
It's a world of Bai Ling
And pants with frocks.
There's so much to abhor
Every day, there is more
It's a fug world after all.

It's going to be marvelous. Apparently, one of these ladies is Esperanza Aguierre, who is -- if my Spanish hasn't failed me -- potentially the President of Madrid (who knew? I'm very much looking forward to hiring her), and the other is Agatha Ruiz de la Prada, who designs children's clothes. Judging by her garb, regardless of which one she is, they are the kind of children's clothes where you would look at a young girl in them and smile in affectionate amusement to yourself, thinking, "Aw, somebody was allowed to dress herself today..." It's perfect for our menagerie of creepy dolls.

Oh, and, yes, the boats will come with ladles and glasses so you can partake in the vodka river. Trust me, you'll need it.

Posted by Heather at 08:27 AM in Random Fug | Permalink


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