November 10, 2006
Little Fugs in Fugly Boxes
COURTNEY: Forget being engaged to Crispin Glover! I've finally found what will make me famous! PERFUME! WE ARE GOING TO MAKE PERFUME!
KAJ-ERIK ERIKSEN: I have finally found what will make me famous -- this t-shirt!
BROWN: I have finally found what will make me famous -- being the better-dressed Peldon!
KAJ-ERIK ERIKSEN: I mean, come on, I kind of even look like Justin, right? Or maybe, like, his distant Canadian cousin? There's got to be some nepotism I can milk from this shirt, because meeting Girl On My Right on Boston Public didn't really work out so well for me.
COURTNEY: It's going to be amazing when the whole world smells like me! All 45,000 different scents are based on desserts that I used to look at longingly on the craft-service table! Cake, icing, truffle, buttercream, cookies... it's all there! God, I can't wait until we win an Oscar for these. "President Courtney Peldon, accepting on behalf of her company." YES.
BROWN: I mean, it's so easy! I'm basically just wearing a green sailor's dress with a satin cummerbund, and I look totally chic when you stick me next to Ms. Mothballs over there and Erik-Erik Erikerik, or whatever his name is, wearing that stupid shirt he made on Cafepress.
KAJ-ERIK ERIKSEN: Although, you know what, I'm on The 4400, so technically, I don't need this appearance. I have work.
COURTNEY: It was so awesome of my mom to make me this sweater out of my old ballet tutu! It's so multi-purpose. I can use it as Kleenex, I can use it to mop up spills with extra absorbency, and I can reach over a lit candle and accidentally tragically let the flame catch on my sleeves the next time I want my own mortal peril to make the news... "Perfume Mogul In Near-Death Inferno." Imagine the flowers I'll get at Cedars-Sinai!
BROWN: When do you think I should tell Courtney that she works for me? I mean, nobody's around town calling her a perfume artisan, or saying she is already "the best smelling woman on the set," which you KNOW is true, because I am always standing very close to people and they wouldn't let me if I wasn't totally aromatic. I mean, it's nice enough that I'm letting Courtney even stand NEXT to me in that stupid rag. I can't BELIEVE I have to let her think she's, like, involved. Just the other day I caught her practicing some stupid speech where she was all, "You can't spell Courtney without 'CEO,'" and it was seriously all I could do not to go on her IMDb page and add really embarrassing trivia to it.
KAJ-ERIK ERIKSEN: ... Wait a sec, and what is up with the name of this company? "Starring...!" I know all the stupid scents are named after types of actresses or whatever, but seriously, it reminds me of the time I met with that agent and said, "I just finished watching this TV movie, Little Girls In Pretty Boxes, starring my friend Courtney Peldon," and the dude just looked back and me, frowned, scratched his chin and said, "Starring... ???" I mean, come on.
BROWN: Whatever. If I stick with these two, people are probably going to start beating down my door in no time, because I look pretty cool by comparison. And I smell like vanilla dipped in sugar and rolled in pie-crust covered in cinnamon and drizzled in truffled things. What more could a girl want?!?
KAJ-ERIK ERIKSEN: My teeth are rotting from whiffing these twits. God, adding it all up, what am I doing here? Just stay cool, dude. Keep it together... it's almost over... almost... over...