"Hey, dudes, I'm Chad Michael Murray. Or, as my friends call me, CHAMM.
Listen, it's been a rough couple of years for me. There was all that to-do when my wife and co-star left me after only a few months of marriage because I might have been fooling around with Paris Hilton, or someone like Paris Hilton. I didn't really come out of that looking very good, I guess. And then I randomly got engaged to a 17-year old extra I knew from the set of the show I work on with the ex-wife. I know, but it's cool, it's cool -- she's 18 now, and she's going to graduate from high school any day. Everything is great. Ratings for my TV show are totally up, and I like to think it's because of my work as the sensitive teen basketball star with the heart problem whose mom is having his dead uncle's baby, after his dad -- Kelly Taylor's date-rapist John Sears, like, that guy is NEVER cast as the nice one -- shot his uncle dead on the day that his school suffered a Columbine-esque incident. Or maybe people just respond to the well-rendered realism of the show. We'll never know. But what I'm here to talk to you about today, dudes, is how to use accessories to rehabilitate your public image. Last week, we talked about how the well-chosen man-necklace makes you look like you might have musical talent, or at least know how to surf. Today's topic of discussion is: the scarf. Even worn indoors, for no practical purpose, the right scarf -- tossed nonchalantly over your shoulders -- makes you seem sensitive, and probably cuddly, and totally reliable and faithful. But because my scarf has a skull and crossbones on it, I also seem like I might be a little bad. But not in a cheating-on-you-with-Paris -Hilton kind of way. No! In more of a...hey-sometimes-I-forget-to-recycle kind of way. And what lady doesn't like a little bit of that every now and then? That's right. So pick up a manly -- yet cozy! Can't forget the cozy! The cozy is what draws them toward you -- scarf today, and soon, you too will be shackled a teen for all eternity. Ah, I'm so lucky.
Next week: Is that a friendship bracelet I'm wearing, or a scrunchie? The all-important difference."