The Fug

Exclusive! A secretly obtained excerpt from The Secwet Diawy of Baba Wawa:

Nov. 13, 2006: Twuly, I'm at my wits' end, Diawy -- sometimes, I want to scweam with bottled-up wage! Have you ever twied going to an event with Opwah? The woman does not STOP wunning into people's photogwaphs! It's all I can do not to THWOTTLE her. It's a GALA and I'm wapped up tighter than a Cwistmas gift in twenty-thwee layers of hot-pink taffeta, stwiking my most distinguished pose in fwont of all these people with camewas, and WHAT DO YOU DO but sneak in and upstage me with your Cwayola-colored makeup and EVEN SHINIER clothes? Don't you WESPECT who I AM? I am BABA fwickin' WAWA, Winfwey! Wosie and I could fold you up and fit you into ONE of my EXTWAOWDINAWILY MASSIVE SLEEVES. Do you hear that? So DO NOT CWOSS ME, or else you will take a little time to enjoy the view, all wight... the view of my DEATH PINCH. MAYBE THEN YOU WILL WEGWET THIS!