December 20, 2006
Sometimes, Beyonce Knowles gets it right; other times, she's maddeningly wrong. But it's not often that she hits both notes in one day. At one location.
Exhibit A: The Good.
Aside from the fact that she and Miss Tyra Banks could have a seriously fierce weave-off -- the likes of which could, nay WOULD, change the meaning of life for us all -- Beyonce looks quite pretty. We love that she has a normal body and love it even more when she drapes it well. Here, she's a gentle hourglass.
And now for something completely different.
This is Exhibit B: The Bad, in whichthe sands of the aforementioned hourglass have officially all reached the lower chamber. Beyonce looks less like superstar than a shell-shocked diner employee who, as part of a surprise contest win, was plucked from the restaurant during her shift and deposited on the set of TRL as a guest co-host. That skirt, built-in apron and all, is a veritable tent; she could throw a Girl Scouts jamboree under there.
She also appears to be molting, which brings us to Exhibit C: The Ugly.
Now she's not just a diner employee -- she's a fired extra from the ill-fated The Muppets Take Manhattan Sam's House of Bacon, in which our merry band of Hensonites would have opened up a greasy spoon, had this nutter not accidentally sat on one of the main characters during a coffee break.
Why she wore this when she had something better on a nearby hanger, I really don't know. Sure, she wore the red dress on Letterman later, but come on -- there can't be that much overlap in those demographics. Sure, maybe that striped-shirt dude with the crazy eyes and gleaming maw would tune in to obsess over her Late Show appearance, but he's about to be arrested for plucking the bird, I think, so that's a moot point.
We would call it a wash, but the feathered derriere actually counts as a full second point against the aqua outfit, so the final score is: Tina Knowles' DNA 2, Rational Thought 1.
Dang. Better luck next time, Beyonce.