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December 25, 2006

Ho Ho Ho

A very merry Christmas to those readers who celebrate it, and the happiest of three-day weekends to those who don't! As for us, we're taking the day off to roll around in vats of figgy pudding and heavily spiked nog, after which Intern George will present us with several extravagent and glorious gifts, proving once and for all that he does truly love us, and that he is not -- as some of you might suspect -- merely a figment of our fevered, drunk imagination.

Now, we don't know what he's got in store for us, but we do have a Wish List. All the Fug Girls want for Christmas can be found....under the jump.

  1. Panties for Lindsay
  2. Panties for Britney
  3. Panties for Paris
  4. Hell, panties all around!
  5. A cheeseburger for Nicole.
  6. And a milk shake
  7. And maybe driving lessons
  8. For Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner to be photographed together once, just ONCE, because COME ON, people, you're married and you have a kid and you refuse to share the lens unless it's one that's secretly positioned outside your local Starbucks and WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?
  9. A TV movie about the further antics of Dr. Kimberly Shaw (Marcia Cross), Dr. Michael Mancini (Thomas Calabro), and Sydney Andrews (Laura Leighton), our favorite trio of Melrose Place characters. Sure, the two ladies died near the end of Season 5, but in the words of our beloved Dread Pirate Westley, death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while. This movie could be called Melrose Hos.
  10. The demise of booties, Uggs, Mukluks and Crocs
  11. A pool boy
  12. A pool bar
  13. A pool, period
  14. A dramatic fall in the price of Christian Louboutin shoes, prompted by the company's desire to beautifully shoe all women of the world
  15. For Meryl Streep/Jane Fonda/Jamie Lee Curtis to grab Lindsay Lohan, shake her hard, slap her a few times and take her under their wing, providing direction, adult support and some actual good advice.
  16. Or, see above, except replace the word "grab" with "adopt."
  17. For Ted Casablancas to actually reveal the identity of Toothy Tile
  18. Pants. We love pants.
  19. Some Diet Coke to drink while we admire our new pants
  20. Eh, why not: world peace.

We hope all of you get everything your hearts desire, too -- except for Intern George; he's taken. And for those of you who don't get Christmas week off and are forced to stare at your computer screens desperate to find some tools for procrastination, our gift to you is a little fresh content.

Beginning Tuesday, Dec. 26, we'll have something new up every day (well, assuming any celebrities leave the house, which is never a given on a holiday week; cross your fingers they think we're not paying attention and they find a red carpet to walk wearing nothing but Ugg boots, leggings, and a stained tank top). Never let it be said we're not givers.

Happy holidays!

Posted by H & J at 08:02 AM | Permalink


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