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December 14, 2006

Celebrity Mild-Alarm Watch: Teri Hatcher

Okay, somebody needs to give Teri Hatcher a sit-down, because more and more lately she is looking all wrong.

And I'm not talking clothes; I'm referring to... her face.

When she's smiling, and/or caught from afar, she seems mostly normal, but still with a whiff of something off. Almost as if she's smiling while trying not to breathe through her nose, or perhaps just trying to put on a brave face despite her dark, secret fear that her face is about to crack into a million pieces from all this muscle motion.

Still, on the whole, it's not bad. She seems happy, if a little timid, but overall her Fug Factor is on the low side -- by her standards, at least; there is no horrible goth getup, no mismatched animal prints. Indeed, I wouldn't have thought anything was amiss had I not checked out a close-up. That is when I started to get worried.

This photo could be captioned, "The subject stares into a bright light after a few glasses of champagne -- not having slept in 24 hours, which impaired her judgment during self-administered Botox injections -- and tries desperately not to sneeze."

I mean... am I crazy, or is the right side of her face tighter than the left by the eyes, and droopier down by the mouth? Like it's being yanked in two directions? 

This isn't a rare shot, either; in all of the straight-faced photos from this event, Teri appears either lopsided or slightly drunk. Part of me suspects that her face doesn't take well to eye makeup, and that she desperately needs to find somebody who can do her up without making her appear overtired, cranky, and/or evil.

Mostly, though, I call shenanigans. There does appear to be tomfoolery at work. Maybe her right eye is in the middle of an allergy attack. Or, maybe Eva Longoria accidentally tragically whacked her in the face with a purse because she happened to be running straight at her and swinging a bag to and fro. Or it's possible Teri slept on it oddly. Really, really oddly. However, I suppose it's also possible she ran late on the set and only had time to get needle-stabby with half of her face, leaving the poor thing utterly unaware of what to do with itself when in repose. 

Whatever it is, though, we're not putting her on a full-blown Botoxorexia Terror Watch -- not yet. We're feeling all warmed from within by mulled wine, and toasty-cozy in the gay apparel we're donning in anticipation of decking the halls, so she is getting off with a mild alert today.

A few more sets of closeups like this, though, and we might have to rethink our stance.

Posted by Heather at 09:34 AM in Celebrity Terror Watch | Permalink


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