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January 22, 2007

Celebrity Terror Watch: Tyra Banks

We here at GFY HQ would like to issue a Tanorexia orange alert, pun fully intended, because of word of an epidemic sweeping the America's Next Top Model gang: It would appear that Jay Manuel's rampant affinity for turning himself orange is terribly, toxically catching.

To wit: Here is Tyra Banks in her Emmy dress (and exposed wig tape) late last year.

And here she is as photographed at the PGA awards -- which is thrown by the Producer's Guild of America, and not, in fact, a ceremony devoted to the very best in golf, at which her presence would be a tad more confusing. At any rate, have a gander.

That is one tall orange woman. We have never in our lives seen Tyra Banks that unnaturally orange -- and, thanks to her campaign for global domination, we've seen a lot of her. Was she so engrossed in lying on the beach eating ribs that she forgot to turn over? Did she shoot an episode of her show entitled, "Confronting Your Fear Of The Surface Of The Sun?" Did she too hastily try cracking open a can of whoop-ass on a poor unsuspecting Tyra Banks Show guest, only to find out too late that she grabbed a can of self-tanner instead? And most vitally of all, WHY did she agree to leave the house looking so ... fluorescent? Nobody in the world needs to be neon orange.

Perhaps this is all for her talk show's Undercover series, in which she pulled the wool over all our disbelieving eyes by masquerading as an overweight woman, a stripper, and a male member of the entourage of a somewhat mortified Chingy. We can't imagine what she's pretending to be -- mama oompa loompa seems too obvious; a cautionary tale about the dangers of eating a surplus of carrots, too self-sacrificing -- but we hope her radioactive hue dies down soon.

Appendix: TANOREXIA WATCH TERROR CHART

SEVERE:

Jayden James Spears-Federline -- as in, find his inescapable prison, the one formerly enjoyed by Suri Cruise,and lock yourself in it until your flesh tone returns.

HIGH:

The Simpson sisters

ELEVATED:

Jennifer Aniston

GUARDED:

Hollywood Starlet whose agent gave her four gift-certificates to Mystic Tan

LOW:

Sane, sensible person

Posted by Heather at 08:37 AM in Celebrity Terror Watch | Permalink

 

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